Tomorrow

Tomorrow morning, I’m going to get up and go to the airport, and get on a plane to Iowa.   My uncle passed away.   I’m going to the funeral.  It’s weird, and it doesn’t seem real.

I’m just sitting here in my room, and it feels like any other Thursday night.  I’m only going to be there for a couple of days, and I’ve literally squeezed all the stuff I need into my large purse.

I may not post for a couple of days.   Wish me luck.

So Low

I’m still waiting for the call about my uncle. I’ve been so low today, that I’m not sure what to write. I’m depressed to that point where all I did was eat and sleep all day. I’m starving right now, but I’m almost out of food in the house, and I’m not sure I want to eat so late. It’s like I have a tape worm, and I just can’t get full.

I went to play for a while with Pedro, which helped a lot. It was part rehearsal and part therapy session. It’s the fringe benefits of being in a band, I suppose.

I hope that I snap out of it tomorrow.

My Life is Stuck in Fast Foward

Right now, it seems like my life is moving at twice the speed of what it should. The last three months have been an insane kind of roller coaster.

In February, I lost my sister, and I felt like my life was derailed as my relationship was falling apart in front of me. I was feeling low and lonely, facing a life I didn’t even recognize. It all sort of came to a head in March.

When my ex lowered the gate on our relationship, I was lost.  I felt like the relationship had been the backbone to my life, and it was just gone. Looking back, I should have known, and it wasn’t like things were perfect, but I needed it to work, so I thought it would. Just if we could hang in there, everything would be good again. I was like a junkie who kept going back to try to recapture that original high, but just like heroine, that relationship was never going to give me what it had in the beginning, and it was only going to drag me down.

While I was going through the break up, trying to figure out what the heck to do with my life, I decided to jump off of a ledge that I had been teetering on for such a long time. I went for it, as it were, and ended up with my band. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever had or done, and I can’t wait to see what we’re going to do. I geek out on it at least once per day.

My job has been a source of stress for some time, since we got bought out by the Huge Corporation. A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting here in my living room, and one of my friends pinged me, saying he knew of an opening that I might be interested in. I interviewed, and was offered the job. I’m really excited to be starting that job.

I’ve come to embrace my singleness. Crazy single girl lifestyle is feeling more natural and comfortable as every day passes. I go out with my friends, and we do what we do how we do it. It’s nice to not feel obligated or guilty for doing only what I like, and it’s equally nice to know that I alone am calling the shots here. And with all of that comes the joy of flirting and that anticipation of new beginnings.

Then this morning, I got one of those horrible phone calls that you never want to get. My uncle was diagnosed with multiple myeloma last summer. He also had a massive heart attack and pneumonia twice. He’s been in and out of the hospital, having chemotherapy and what not. This morning, my cousin called to say that the doctors said that he has at most a few more days. I spent a good part of the day trying to help my mom get an airline ticket so that she could get to Iowa to see him. I hope she makes it in time.

I just can’t help thinking, though, that this can’t be normal. Who else loses a sister, loses a partner, joins a band, gets a new job, and then loses the head of her family all within three months? Can the cosmos ease up on the accelerator?

These ups and downs are a bit much.

Just sayin’.

Really Big Change

I have a new job, which I will be starting in about two and a half weeks.   I had to give my current job two weeks notice.    This new job is going to be very cool; I’m convinced.

I’m sure this will lead to lots of jokes within my extended family.  Last time I called my uncle, the first thing he did was go through this list of questions, “Did you move?  New job?  New boyfriend?”

Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, the new job is in Oakland, very close to home.  I’ll no longer have to commute into the fog, and I’ll no longer be taking the casual carpool.   That’s too bad, because I’ve had some interesting and entertaining times with casual carpool.

Anyway, it’s the same type of work that I’ll be doing in online advertising.  However, the new company is not a Huge Corporation.

I’ll update again once I start the new job.   Things for me are changing a lot right now, but it’s mostly good stuff.

Who Does That “Woo Ooh Ooh” Song?

So I’ve had this song sort of stuck in my head all day.  It’s not one of those ones that’s running in the foreground of my consciousness, but more like a score, in the background of the action.   it’s been pleasantly keeping me company all day, as opposed to that time that I had “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend” blasting inside my brain for six weeks.  It’s not bombarding me, and it’s not fully distracting either.   It was lulling around in the corners of my thought processes, and I didn’t even fully understand that it was a presence until just a little while ago.

But then when I realized that I’ve had a song running through my head for most of the day, I started to think about what song it was.   Then it came to the forefront, and for a second, I didn’t even know what song it was.

And then I realized something.  It’s one of our songs.   This is a first for me.  I have one of the songs of my own band stuck in my head.   This is a really cool kind of feeling.  Much cooler than Marilyn Monroe.