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Ambivalence

One of my pet peeves is the misuse of words, and probably the word I hear misused the most, at least in my life and circle of associates, is ‘ambivalence’.  People use it when what they really mean is ‘apathy’.   ‘Apathy’ means you can’t be arsed, or you give no fucks at all.   People often talk about being ambivalent about things they don’t care about.  That’s not what that word means.

‘Ambivalence’ is when you’re of two minds or have mixed feelings about a thing.

For example, I am ambivalent about intimacy.   That’s right, I have two minds about human touch and emotional closeness.

Almost every night, as I climb into bed, I long for someone to hold onto, but as I stretch out like a starfish, face down with four limbs splayed out in each direction, I appreciate the luxuriousness of a queen-sized bed for me and me alone.  I imagine how nice it would be if there was someone to say goodnight to, but I’m glad it’s quiet and cool, and I don’t have to lie awkwardly still, while someone drops off to sleep, always first, beside me.  I sit here, day after day, so glad to live alone, with time and space to study, read, film videos, and write, all the while feeling that I wish there was someone to sit next to me and read over my shoulder or tell me about their day.  But then, if they could only stay for a short time, and go away again, that’d be good.   I love to sit with my friends and talk for hours about how I just need to have more time peace and quiet.   I love looking straight and deep into my friends eyes when they’re telling me a story, but I wish everyone would stop looking at me.

I crave it, and I don’t.    I avoid it, and miss it.  I wish I had it, and I run away from it when I see it coming.   That is ambivalence.

So, if you really don’t give a rat’s ass about Fantasy Football, you’re not ambivalent about it.  You’re apathetic.

Just sayin’.

CSGL – Some Guys Just Can’t Take a Hint

A couple of nights ago, I was out with some friends, and there was this very unusual dude who just couldn’t seem to see that Cookie was not having it.  This is, unfortunately, something I have seen more than a couple times before.  If you, like me, watched hours of Looney Tunes as a kid, you might remember that poor little kitty cat that was always trying to squirm out of the clutches of Pepe le Pew.   That is exactly what she looks like when this happens to her.  And this guy was certainly lePew-ific.  He showed up at the karaoke bar wearing Rambo style face paint and an unfortunate choice of bonnet.

So I wrote a haiku about it:

Creepy beret dude
Undesired Advances
Punch him in the dick

Just sayin’.

CSGL – Girls’ Night Out

After everything that’s been going down, it was a fortunate thing that this last Sunday, Kayphore and Cookie and I had planned a little night out for ourselves.   Of course, we had the typical evening of female bonding and enjoyed the traditional entertainment for such an occasion  …  Professional Wrestling.   WWE Smackdown to be exact.

I am not a regular girl who likes regular things.   I attract other girls with eclectic tastes.   And by eclectic, I do mean, “of course I want to see overly muscled, nearly naked, poorly acting, greased up dudes roll around on the ground with other similar dudes.”   Because really, who doesn’t love that?

Now I know what you’re thinking.   I know because I hear it often enough.    And I hear it often enough that I usually don’t mention that I enjoy the wrestling, like, ever…. to anyone.   This has been a carefully guarded, deep, dark secret for quite some time.   I’ve decided to bring it out into the light and show it off a little, because it really doesn’t make any sense to me that anyone could be befuddled by my enjoyment of such a thing.  I mean, it’s gaudy.   It’s ridiculous.  It’s goofy.  It makes no sense at all.   It’s over the top.  It’s laughable.  It’s horrible.   And damn it’s funny!   I like professional wrestling like I like all those damn Bring It On movies.    And The Cutting Edge franchise, as well.   I’ve paid good money to go see Cool as Ice starring Vanilla Ice.    And I’ve read those damn Twilight books and seen the movies, not because I’m on Team Jacob, or like things that Sparkle, but because they’re just bad.

Why, you ask?   Because I’m a unique sort of person who gets enjoyment out of things that are, by definition, god awful.    I love the things that are so bad that they’re good.  I like not liking them.   I like not being the least bit fooled by the pratfalls of professional wrestling.   I like that Stephenie Meyer can’t  write her way out of a paper bag.   And yet, there’s something about it that’s sort of pure.   I think that what really draws me to Crap is its lack of pretension.    Bring It On is not aiming for high-brow, not trying to win a seat at the cool kids’ table, or looking down its nose at anyone.   It just is what it is, and its ease with itself is infectious.  When you’re watching WWE Smackdown at the Arco Arena, screaming at the Villains and hollering for the Good Guy, well, you can just be who you are.

All the better if you’re able to be with two of your best friends in the world, too.   Two girls who love me for who I am, all my imperfections, my insecurities, my loud mouth, or my quiet, bashful, and nervous times.   The ones who not only understand, but who share a few of my idiosyncracies.

And above all else, they can tell when I’m Acting Normal from when I’m being myself.

Of course I love professional wrestling.   It’s so fake that you can’t help but be yourself when you watch it.

Just sayin’

Favors I May Ask Soon

The following is a list of unusual requests that I might have to make from some of my friends when I get home:

“Excuse me, but can I hide under your furniture?  I think the Responsibilities may have found me.”

“Please take me somewhere now where I do not have to think.”

“In reagards to myself, could you please lower your expectations several notches?”

“I just want to do something normal, and not talk about It.”

“Please stop trying to cheer me up;  if you ignore my Grump, it’ll go away.”

I promise I won’t stay like this forever.  You’re just going to have to trust me on this one.

CSGL and the Chamber of Freakishly Weird Dreams

I’ve been at my parents’ house for a week now.   My dad is going to be having his tumor removed on Friday.   Since he’ll be in the hospital for at least a week, and my mom does not drive, I’m here to help out.   My company has graciously allowed me to work remotely while I am staying with my parents, which is very cool.   I’m not burning through PTO while I’m here.

So what am I up to?   Well so far I’ve just been working, driving my folks around, and reading.   Reading the tail end of the Chronicles of Narnia and starting the Harry Potter series.    I’ve also seen more than my fair share of ESPN’s various programs and many episodes of MASH.   What can I say, but it’s what Dad likes.

It’s pretty odd being here, at the folks’ place, as I’ve never lived here.   This is my parents’ retirement home in Washington.  They moved in about three years ago.   I’ve visited quite a few times, but it had been over a year since I had been here last.  So, while it’s my parents’ home, and I’ll always be welcome and free to make myself at home, it’s not my home.   I don’t know where things belong in the house, and I don’t know my way around the neighborhood very well.

So, I don’t know whether it’s the stress of the situation, the strange surroundings, or my reading material of late, but I’ve been having some very strange dreams.    Dreams about just about everything and everyone.   The happy couple redoing their wedding, because they decided they wanted a much more formal affair.   My house being home invaded while only myself and one roommate were home, and the robbery being done by a girl I went to Junior High with.    My teenage self being told by my parents that they were expecting another baby.  A friend’s bed being full of random strangers, one of whom was very angry with me for being better liked than her.   And finally last night, Nova doing everything in his power to try to keep me from going to sleep, even though I was really exhausted.

So, I wonder what I’ll be dreaming tonight.   But before I get to bed, I’ve got to find out what’s going to happen to Harry Potter next.   My guess is that there’s going to be some stressful scenario where he could either die or be expelled from Hogwarts.  I mean, as far as I can tell, that’s the whole plot of the entire series.   Of course, I’m only on the second book.   I’m not too fond of these constant traumas, though.   Why doesn’t that idiot just go tell Dumbledore?  Geesh.

OK, yes, I am a nerd.

Just sayin’.

Padre PeggyLu . . . The Conclussion

So, the wedding ceremony I performed a few weeks ago was a complete success. My friends were really happy with the ceremony I wrote, and I got the guests to laugh at all the right places. Many of the friends and family of the couple gave me some of the most flattering compliments I have ever received, and I was very proud of myself. I’m glad that my friends pushed and challenged me, and that I was able to not only step up, but knock it out of the park.

Here are some of my favorite moments from the wedding:

  • Telling the bride and groom an awesomely bad dirty joke just before the ceremony started.
  • Choosing music from the Amelie soundtrack for the procession less than an hour before everything was set to kick off
  • Being able to pull off both the whole Princess Bride “Mawwage” bit and “Let’s get pissed” from So I Married An Axe Murderer
  • Front row seat to the best First Married Kiss I’ve ever seen.
  • Being told that I should consider a career in stand-up comedy.  (Nah – I think I’ll stick to writing the funny, and stay away from large crowds)
  • One word – cupcakes
  • And, as a result, now knowing exactly what I would look like as a character in Mortal Kombat . . . and yes, I would totally drop your ass with my crazy ministering style.

 

I guess what I’m saying is, you really can’t go wrong with asking a girl who doesn’t believe in Marriage much to perform your wedding ceremony.    

 

Me and The Happy Couple

Me and The Happy Couple

Especially if you want a personalized ceremony written in such a way so that you can let all your loved ones know not only how serious you are about each other, but also how seriously nerdy you are.    Because, yes, there was also a reference to Ganon thrown in for good measure.

 

Just sayin’.

Padre PeggyLu

Next Saturday may be one of the craziest and unexpected days of my life, because next Saturday, I – PeggyLu – am performing the rites to bind two individuals in matrimony.   Officially.   Legally even.   It’s binding.   Oh shit.

Holy Huge Responsibility, Batman!

Do you have any idea how hard it is to write a wedding ceremony that is, at the same time, touching, personalized, and humorous?

And on top of that, to pick out the right dress to wear? 

So, I’m sure there will be pictures of that to add to this here bloggy blog soon.   I am so behind with everything.

Oh, and there’s a bachelorette party to attend, also, so there could be some tales of debauchery.  Although, I have to admit to not feeling too debaucherous lately.  I’ve been positively mild, to be honest.

We’ll see . . .


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