It’s part of the process, really. I opened myself to a lot of new experiences in the last year, and I call it my Crazy Single Girl Life. It’s what you have to do, right? You have to invite the good in. Unfortunately, with the good, sometimes a bit of unpleasant dust blows in with it.
Part of the growing I need to do is to learn to better trust my instincts. For the last few months, my gut has been telling me that something was wrong. I tried to change some of my behavior, and distance myself in certain situations, to shield myself from some behavior that was making me uncomfortable. I tried to remain optimistic, and tell myself that these were things that would just blow over with patience. However, there comes a point where you realize that the best answer is just to stop and say, “NO. No more. I’m done.”
I have quit the band and the soccer team.
It wasn’t all bad, and I have made some wonderful friends. I know that we will see each other, and continue to be a part of each others lives.
But not everyone I meet is deserving of my friendship or my respect.
And at the same time, just because you shouldn’t be friends with someone, that doesn’t mean that you have to be enemies. It just means that you move on.
I’m still waiting for the call about my uncle. I’ve been so low today, that I’m not sure what to write. I’m depressed to that point where all I did was eat and sleep all day. I’m starving right now, but I’m almost out of food in the house, and I’m not sure I want to eat so late. It’s like I have a tape worm, and I just can’t get full.
I went to play for a while with Pedro, which helped a lot. It was part rehearsal and part therapy session. It’s the fringe benefits of being in a band, I suppose.
I hope that I snap out of it tomorrow.
I wrote this on Saturday, but I guess I hit save instead of publish, so it’s not as current and “breaking news” as I was hoping it would be.
It’s the best kind of awful sensation I’ve ever loved, to be in physical pain from practicing. I had my second get together with my band today. We really got into some more of working out exactly how things are going to go together on certain songs. I never thought I’d see the day where someone would be truly impressed by anything I could come up with musically. but Ruckus was digging some of what I came up with on one particular song. I wanted to do back flips, but I think I did a good job of playing it cool.
Even if it wasn’t fulfilling to hang out and jam with those guys, they’re all pretty cool, too. I would probably hang out with them just to hang out with them. They had me cracking up in full gerbil laugh mode. In case you didn’t know, and they didn’t before today, when I laugh really hard, I squeak like a small rodent.
The giggles were brought on by our further attempts to find a name for this damn band and the ruminations on penis jokes that that inspired. The name I came up with last week was so cool that it’s already been taken by a trio in Canada, so it’s back to the drawing board on that.
I’m sure there will be many more stories to tell.
The fun starts tomorrow evening, with friends from Chicago, Deal’s Gone Bad, opening for The Slackers of New York City at Slim’s in The City. I have been looking forward to this show for weeks. Months even. It’s always good to see friends, and when those friends are also great musicians and performers, it’s like a double whammy.
Saturday I have another band rehearsal. The last one was a lot of fun, so I’m looking forward to this next one. We might have a singer by then.
Saturday evening my mom is getting in. She’s going to be staying with me for over a week at The Rock. Hopefully we won’t be giving each other black eyes, sharing such close quarters in my studio apartment.
Sunday, Mother’s Day, Mom wants to go to the Winchester Mystery House. I think Creeper is going to join us, as he’s lived in the San Jose area most of his life, and still has never been.
Monday I am taking a personal day from work, so I can spend some more time with Mom. Three day weekends are the best. Every weekend should be a three-dayer.
What are your plans for the weekend?
Tonight was my first practice, and I am officially in the band. I am so incredibly thrilled right now, and geeking out in a major way. My first band. It only took me how many years?
Pardon me while I go call everyone I know and shriek in their ears.