Posts Tagged 'life'

CSGL – Ruins

A couple of weeks ago, I added a post dated entry into my Google Calendar, an all day event set it to repeat yearly, and set to send me an email to remind me.   No, it wasn’t someone’s birthday or anniversary.    It’s not a holiday.  It’s not a reminder to change the battery in my smoke detector.  It’s not a note to take my cat to the vet.   No, friends, my new event literally is called “The Day I Met the Next Guy Who’s Going to Ruin My Life.”

See, ’cause the thing is, I’ve been thinking about this idea of a ruined life.   “He ruined my life.”   Yeah, I’ve said it.  Meant it, too.   My life’s been ruined a few times.   Not always, but more than once, by some dude.   Something happens, and the whole thing gets turned upside down and rattled around, my stuff goes flying, my plans get thrown out the window, and every idea about what I thought was real or who I thought I was gets shitcanned.   Some guy who three months ago swore up and down that he just never could cope with living without me suddenly does a 180 and dumps my ass.    A bandmate sexually harasses me.   I move for the five millionth time.   I lose someone I love.

All those things suck.  They’re unpleasant at best, and down right traumatic at worst.  It’s the kind of shit that makes your life feel like a real struggle.   It’s tiring, and it’s stressful.   You second guess yourself, and you wonder what you did wrong five million times over.   “Why doesn’t he love me anymore?”   “Why did she have to go?”   And then the what-ifs set in, and that’s when it really gets miserable.    And if you’re me, that’s the point where you spend the next three months (who am I kidding, try two years) on the couch watching whatever the hell comes on TV, just so you don’t have to listen to what’s in your head.

But this is the part where I’m gonna fuck with your mind, because I have to say, it’s not necessarily a bad thing to have your life ruined.   Sometimes the life you have ought to be ruined, the plans ought to be thrown out the window, and that idea you have about what was what deserves to be shitcanned.   Because that ex, well, he was kind of a dick, and I kind of dodged a bullet when he dumped me.  That old studio apartment, it was kind of scary when the hookers were hanging out on just the other side of a thin piece of glass.    And that job?    I sure as shit couldn’t stay at that job one more minute.

And that’s when you get up off the couch, and you do something different.   You get a better job.  You join a cooler band.   You plant a rose bush.   You meet a new guy who’s ten times hotter than your ex.

So, yeah, I met this guy.   Right now we’re just friends.    A whole lot of talking going on, and not hardly any action.   And who knows what the hell is going to happen.  It could never be anymore than what it is right now.   In fact, I’m going to go on record and say that it is highly fucking likely that he and I will never be more than friends who flirt.   Or maybe meeting him really will be the thing that ruins this life I’ve been living, one way or another, for better or worse, and I might have to start all over again.

But with or without this dude or any dude, life has a way of changing.   Things don’t stay the same.   They’re not meant to.  You’re meant to get dropped on your head every once in a while.   It’s just the way things go, and this shit, this shit right here, it builds character.   It’s made me into the scrappy little smartass you see before you.   And I really wouldn’t have it any other way.

And he seriously is way way way hotter than my ex.

Just sayin’.

CSGL – 30 Days of Summer

I think I’ve mentioned before that I have a narrator.   This voice in my head that tells me what’s happening to me, usually in real time.  (Is it just me?)   Most frequently the voice mimics Jane Austen.    One too many re-treads through Mansfield Park, I think, did me in.    However, the voice does shift from time to time from different influences.   A book I’m reading, a song I like, or a movie I’m watching.   Or, perhaps, the kinds of movies I’ve been watching.

Being as I am spoiled digital rotten, I have a Netflix account with a full DVD and Instant Watch queue.   Lately I’ve been trying to make my way through all the films that were nominated for Oscars that I never did get around to actually going out and seeing.   Also, I’ve sort of become obsessed with documentaries, because you have no idea how much stuff I don’t know.

So, I’ve been sitting here over the last few weeks – and by sitting here, I of course mean laying in my bed – watching lots of poignant shit.   All the while with this Object of Crush in my head  and all the ups, downs, and intrigues of a single girl’s life with single girl friends, and the well-intentioned but off-base remarks from male buds swimming in my overactive imagination.   Well, wouldn’t you know it, but that voice in my head, well it’s a mix of some sort of indie movie heroine and, well, Morgan Spurlock…you know, the guy from Super Size Me, except this is more like his television series 30 Days.

And it’s like there’s a hidden camera crew following me around for a month while I trip, stumble, start, sprint through my life, which though very mundane and not a very good plot for a movie, is somehow being turned into the next best thing since (500) Days of Summer.  (Similar sort of soundtrack, actually.)

But are you ready for the twist?   (There’s got to be a twist, right?)   In my indie-movie-life-documentary, my role….well, I’m certainly too clumsy to be the hip ingenue, aren’t I?    It’s like the bumbling sidekick suddenly became the focus of the film.

It’s totally whacky and zany.   It sure as shit ain’t gonna win an Oscar.   But maybe, just maybe, it could be a darling at Cannes.

Probably not though, I mean, shit the only thing that happens in this movie is the lead character lies in bed on a Tuesday night, while her friends are out bowling, and types on a laptop about the voice she hears in her head saying something like “For the Next 30 Days, PeggyLuWho will toil under the burden of infatuation and anxiety, lose sleep, write more numerous and self-deprecating, naval gazing blogs than she has in the last two years, while trying to keep up with the endless adventures of best mates.  Will she find true love and everlasting frienship?    Will she listen to Regina Spektor or The Shins or Vampire Weekend on her iPod tonight?”

Why does this all sound so much more lovely when it’s happening in my head than it does in black and white on my macbook screen?

Life in The Crapper

Yeah, so I’m still waiting for my dad’s surgery next month, and at times, it seems like my whole life is just sort of hanging out waiting for that to be over.  I feel like I can’t really make any plans, because I don’t really know when I’ll be back to California.   Also, it’s just kind of put me in a foul mood, in general.

So then, last week, my Kayphore broke her face in a bicycle accident.   Like, she literally fell off of her bike and landed face first on the street.   She broke three teeth in the process and has to go through all this dental work now, not to mention the busted knees and black eyes.   So, I’ve been trying to do as much as I can for her, and been trying to think of ways to cheer her up, be there for her, and distract her.   It’s the least I can do after all the time’s she’s saved my ass.

But while all this is going on, I can’t genuinely say that everything sucks.  I mean, I do have my moments where I certainly feel that way, but then I also have moments where it’s the last thought on my mind.

This Saturday, I’m going to Reno with The Happy Couple.   I’m going to get a spa room all to myself and have a lovely soak.   Also probably going to spend a bit of time out on the town.   Life can’t suck too much with a cocktail, hand of blackjack, and a jacuzi, can it?

Also, there’s something very interesting going on at home.   We have a pair of house guests from Turkey.   They sort of ended up in California without anywhere to go, and ended up at our house.   It’s a long story that I don’t want to go into about how they got here.  Let’s just say it involves some employment policies involving visible tattoos.   It’s kind of fun, though, and the house definitely feels lively with them there.

And today is The Wiz’s birthday, and we’re all going to see Harry Potter.   This is despite the fact that I’ve never really seen the other movies and/or read the books.   I shall be quite lost and confused throughout.   But whatever, it’s her birthday and that’s what she wants to do.  When it was my birthday, and all I wanted to do was ignore it, they all obliged, after all.

Finally, there is a little cuteness being directed my way, and I can’t say that I mind.    But as you know, if you ask about it, I’ll only get dodgy, so don’t even think about it.

So yeah, that’s what I’ve got.  That’s what’s up.

I’m just sayin’.

Rarities and B-Sides

Life’s had some pleasant and unexpected moments and plot twists lately.   

 

  • Today, I met a no shit, real deal Olympian, Women’s table tennis team member Jackie Lee!!
  • Sunday, I had some barbecue with a no shit New York musician/poet/genius.
Life can’t be bad, can it?  Hanging out with athletes and poets.  Who would have ever thunk it.   Other fun stuff from the weekend included Joebot Twopointoh’s farewell show with The Phenomenauts.   He will be missed, but sometimes we all just have to move along.  Also went to Mama Bear’s baby shower, which I helped to plan.  
All in all, over the last few days, there’s been a lot of stuff going on that’s at least a little unusual, or once in a lifetime type experiences.  

Crazy Single Girl Life

Last night I had a meeting at a Lucky 13 with Pedro, and we discussed our plan for world domination, the soccer team we’re going to buy, and doing rails off of prostitutes asses in dressing rooms. I don’t want to put the cart before the horse, so I’ll write more about this when I’m actually officially in the band. Oops, did I just let that cat out of the bag?

Oh – funny side note, since I’m on the health kick, and I’m not drinking, I ordered a cranberry juice at the bar. I was sitting for a while, waiting, and there was another guy there sitting by himself. After a few minutes, this guy turns to me, and goes, “Excuse me, did you really just walk into a bar and order a cranberry juice?” What an ass cheese! So, I replied, “Yes! It’s both refreshing and healthy.” He didn’t really know what to do with that, so he just went back to crying in his beer, or whatever it is that ass cheese does.

Anyway, I was pretty amped up after meeting Pedro, and on the way home, I remembered that one of Baby Brother’s bands, Monster Pete and the Chiefs, was playing. I couldn’t remember where it was exactly, so I gave him a call. Hotel Utah in The City. I hopped on the freeway in Oakland, and I was there in about 15 minutes. (Gotta love living in Oakland.)

It’s been a long long time since I did something so impulsive and spontaneous. It was awesome. And I got to go out and see Baby Brother, and have a nice chat with him. And Monster Pete tore it up. I didn’t stay up too too late. I left right after the set, and was home by 11:30. By the time I loaded the CD Pedro gave me onto my iPod, flossed, and climbed into bed, it was maybe 12:10. I passed out. No insomnia last night.

When I woke up this morning, I had three picture mails, and a text on my phone that I had gotten in the middle of the night.

There’s a lot of little things that I didn’t realize I had let go of over the last few years, but now I’m getting back to myself. And myself, I am the girl whose life revolves around music, and who decides at the last minute that I want to go see that band, and I love when my friends reach out to me at all hours, just to say ‘hi’ and share some randomness with me.

And yes, Cam, those are some crazy mad props!

How Much is It Worth?

“They” say a picture is worth a thousand words. I’m not sure this one is up to par, but I think it certainly says a lot about the state of my life.

I can’t keep anything alive. I’m subsisting on junk food and juice. I spend all my free time at Cinderella and seeing as many of my friends’ bands as possible. It’s all kept together with safety pins and financed with spare change.

It’s a complete still life of the last two weeks of my life, while I’ve been trying to get back to me. The summarized version of recovering and healing and an insane schedule.

I’m just sayin’.


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