Remember this? One year later, and I’m still as giddy about that news as I was then.
I think this calls for a beer!
Tag: cancer
Favors I May Ask Soon
The following is a list of unusual requests that I might have to make from some of my friends when I get home:
“Excuse me, but can I hide under your furniture? I think the Responsibilities may have found me.”
“Please take me somewhere now where I do not have to think.”
“In reagards to myself, could you please lower your expectations several notches?”
“I just want to do something normal, and not talk about It.”
“Please stop trying to cheer me up; if you ignore my Grump, it’ll go away.”
I promise I won’t stay like this forever. You’re just going to have to trust me on this one.
A Day in My New Life
I guess I’ve sort of abandoned this blog. The reason is mostly that my life is pretty boring right now, and I don’t have anything to write about. I’m still at my parents’ house, and have been for over three weeks. My dad went into the hospital for surgery to remove his tumor almost two weeks ago, and he’s not recovering very well. They’re going to be transferring him from one hospital to another where there’s a rehab clinic. Hopefully they’ll be able to get him up and he’ll get his strength back.
So basically, I get up every day, and I log on to my work laptop and the VPN, and I work as if I’m in the office. Then at noon, I take my mom over to the hospital, and hang out for ten or fifteen minutes before leaving her there. Then I come home, and do more work until about 5:30 when I go back to the hospital. I don’t really hang out there very long, because mostly my dad is just sleeping a lot.
In the evenings I have dinner with Mom, and then we retire to separate corners of the house to relax. I’ve been reading a lot. I’ve read six books since I’ve been here. I’m halfway through the sixth of the seven Harry Potter books.
So, there’s just nothing all that exciting going on in Whoville. Or rather the things I have to get excited about mostly have to do with my dad’s digestive track, and I assume no one wants to read about that.
Just sayin’.
Return of My Old Nemesis
So, if you’ve been following this here blog for very long, you probably remember back in March when I was celebrating and dancing on Cancer’s grave. I really thought that it was in our past, and that myself and my family could relax.
Well, the Bitch is back.
In April, just weeks after I got my final all clear, my father was diagnosed with cancer. In the last few months, he’s undergone chemotherapy and radiation treatments. In August, he is scheduled for surgery. I will be heading north, and will be staying with my folks during the surgery and recovery. I’m very thankful that my company is being very flexible, and allowing me to work remotely during that time.
My father’s prognosis is very good, and with the surgery, he should make a full recovery. However, it is still a very stressful time for us all.
And I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t fucking with my head at all, the number of family member who’ve dealt with cancer in the last few years. It would be nice to have just six months without it. Or to be able to come down from one loss or one battle before then next comes along.
I am exhausted. I am unmotivated.
Just sayin’.
100% Official – Not Dying!
I officially, 100%, no question or doubt have beaten the pre-cancerous condition I was diagnosed with last April. To celebrate, I’m going to go drinking tomorrow evening after work with as many friends as dare to show up. That it happens to be Amateur Drinkers’ Night is an unfortunate coincidence.
If you want the where and whens, email me and you can come have the booze with me.
Cheers!
Cancer
Cancer has played a huge role in my life through the last year or so. I’ve lost two family members this year to this thing, my sister and my uncle who was also like my godfather. My sister passed away the first week of February. I had gotten an email from her just a few days earlier, telling me that she the cancer was terminal, and that she was planning on making a trip out to California. I thought I was going to get a chance to say good bye. She was gone within a few days.
In March, when my ex ended our two plus year relationship, he told me he would have done it sooner, but it was hard to find the right time, “because someone was always dying of cancer.”
Within a month, I was diagnosed with a pre-cancerous condition that could develop into the same type of cancer that had taken my sister. Most cases do not develop into full-blown cancer, though, and since my lesions were considered “low-grade”, the doctor thought it was best to monitor the cells, rather than prescribing any treatment. I would be retested every three months until I had had three negative/normal tests in a row.
Then in May, the week of my birthday, my uncle passed, too. I spent my birthday in airports, trying to get to Iowa for the funeral. I got a text from my ex while I was sitting in the airport, and I wanted to scream and rip his guts out.
Cancer has been this force and this fear.
On November 1, Dia De Los Muertos (The Day of the Dead) I went down to my local tattoo shop, and I got this tattoo:
These types of designs, these skulls are part of the celebration of the day when the dead can walk amongst the living again. I wanted to do something for my sister, my uncle, and my other family who have left in the last few years, including my grandfather.
Yesterday, I got the results of my second Every-Three-Months test. It was my second normal in a row. If it had been positive, I would have had to start all over again, and it would be a year before it could be over, and always with the fear of it progressing. Now, I feel like I’m free, because with two normals behind me, I just have to get one more test, and it’s highly unlikely that it’ll come back at this point.
Cancer is behind me.
And the rest of my life is in front of me.
So Low
I’m still waiting for the call about my uncle. I’ve been so low today, that I’m not sure what to write. I’m depressed to that point where all I did was eat and sleep all day. I’m starving right now, but I’m almost out of food in the house, and I’m not sure I want to eat so late. It’s like I have a tape worm, and I just can’t get full.
I went to play for a while with Pedro, which helped a lot. It was part rehearsal and part therapy session. It’s the fringe benefits of being in a band, I suppose.
I hope that I snap out of it tomorrow.
My Life is Stuck in Fast Foward
Right now, it seems like my life is moving at twice the speed of what it should. The last three months have been an insane kind of roller coaster.
In February, I lost my sister, and I felt like my life was derailed as my relationship was falling apart in front of me. I was feeling low and lonely, facing a life I didn’t even recognize. It all sort of came to a head in March.
When my ex lowered the gate on our relationship, I was lost. I felt like the relationship had been the backbone to my life, and it was just gone. Looking back, I should have known, and it wasn’t like things were perfect, but I needed it to work, so I thought it would. Just if we could hang in there, everything would be good again. I was like a junkie who kept going back to try to recapture that original high, but just like heroine, that relationship was never going to give me what it had in the beginning, and it was only going to drag me down.
While I was going through the break up, trying to figure out what the heck to do with my life, I decided to jump off of a ledge that I had been teetering on for such a long time. I went for it, as it were, and ended up with my band. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever had or done, and I can’t wait to see what we’re going to do. I geek out on it at least once per day.
My job has been a source of stress for some time, since we got bought out by the Huge Corporation. A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting here in my living room, and one of my friends pinged me, saying he knew of an opening that I might be interested in. I interviewed, and was offered the job. I’m really excited to be starting that job.
I’ve come to embrace my singleness. Crazy single girl lifestyle is feeling more natural and comfortable as every day passes. I go out with my friends, and we do what we do how we do it. It’s nice to not feel obligated or guilty for doing only what I like, and it’s equally nice to know that I alone am calling the shots here. And with all of that comes the joy of flirting and that anticipation of new beginnings.
Then this morning, I got one of those horrible phone calls that you never want to get. My uncle was diagnosed with multiple myeloma last summer. He also had a massive heart attack and pneumonia twice. He’s been in and out of the hospital, having chemotherapy and what not. This morning, my cousin called to say that the doctors said that he has at most a few more days. I spent a good part of the day trying to help my mom get an airline ticket so that she could get to Iowa to see him. I hope she makes it in time.
I just can’t help thinking, though, that this can’t be normal. Who else loses a sister, loses a partner, joins a band, gets a new job, and then loses the head of her family all within three months? Can the cosmos ease up on the accelerator?
These ups and downs are a bit much.
Just sayin’.
Fighting the Fight . . . with My Credit Card
Cancer has touched my life in several ways in the last year. I’ve lost two family members, and a third was diagnosed and is fighting multiple myeloma. It’s depressing to think about, and I worry about it. I worry about my family. I’ve got a strong connection to my family, I think, and I always want the best for them. I think the feeling is mutual. They are all just about the most important thing I have in the world.
The simple fact is, though, that there is not much I can do. But I have to do something. So this afternoon, I busted out the credit card for a good cause.
Today, I sponsored my cousins in The American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life.
And while I was at it, I also sponsored my friend Hill for the AIDS/LifeCycle.
So if you’re feeling gifty . . .
And if you’re really broke, maybe there’s something you can donate that’s free. I started a few months ago by donating my hair to Locks of Love.
Just sayin’.
My Hair
A few months ago, I chopped off all of my hair. When I say “all my hair,” I mean all of it. It was midway down my back, but now I have a pixie cut.
Why did I do it? Well, partly because there’s just this little voice in my head that always says, “cut it. . . cut it.” I think I grow my hair out just so that I can get a dramatic hack job.
But I had another reason. Someone very close to me has cancer. Someone I haven’t seen since I was two and a half years old. And the only memory I have of her is of sitting in her lap, as she leaned forward, creating a curtain of long brown hair around me. It was like hiding in Cousin It. Now she’s going through chemo. She might lose all her hair. And she’s not alone. So when I decided to whack my hair off, I donated it to Locks of Love.
Locks of Love is an organization that makes wigs out of donated human hair for children who have long term medical hair loss, such as those who have had chemo treatments. If you have a ten inch ponytail, and you’ve been thinking of cutting it off, please consider donating it. It’s an amazing gift.
This one is for you, Sis!
Peggy Lu Who's Just Sayin' 