Posts Tagged 'cancer'

1 Year Ago Today

Remember this?   One year later, and I’m still as giddy about that news as I was then.

I think this calls for a beer!

Favors I May Ask Soon

The following is a list of unusual requests that I might have to make from some of my friends when I get home:

“Excuse me, but can I hide under your furniture?  I think the Responsibilities may have found me.”

“Please take me somewhere now where I do not have to think.”

“In reagards to myself, could you please lower your expectations several notches?”

“I just want to do something normal, and not talk about It.”

“Please stop trying to cheer me up;  if you ignore my Grump, it’ll go away.”

I promise I won’t stay like this forever.  You’re just going to have to trust me on this one.

A Day in My New Life

I guess I’ve sort of abandoned this blog.  The reason is mostly that my life is pretty boring right now, and I don’t have anything to write about.   I’m still at my parents’ house, and have been for over three weeks.   My dad went into the hospital for surgery to remove his tumor almost two weeks ago, and he’s not recovering very well.   They’re going to be transferring him from one hospital to another where there’s a rehab clinic.   Hopefully they’ll be able to get him up and he’ll get his strength back.

So basically, I get up every day, and I log on to my work laptop and the VPN, and I work as if I’m in the office.   Then at noon, I take my mom over to the hospital, and hang out for ten or fifteen minutes before leaving her there.   Then I come home, and do more work until about 5:30 when I go back to the hospital.   I don’t really hang out there very long, because mostly my dad is just sleeping a lot.

In the evenings I have dinner with Mom, and then we retire to separate corners of the house to relax.  I’ve been reading a lot.  I’ve read six books since I’ve been here.   I’m halfway through the  sixth of the seven Harry Potter books.

So, there’s just nothing all that exciting going on in Whoville.    Or rather the things I have to get excited about mostly have to do with my dad’s digestive track, and I assume no one wants to read about that.

Just sayin’.

Return of My Old Nemesis

So, if you’ve been following this here blog for very long, you probably remember back in March when I was celebrating and dancing on Cancer’s grave. I really thought that it was in our past, and that myself and my family could relax.

Well, the Bitch is back.

In April, just weeks after I got my final all clear, my father was diagnosed with cancer. In the last few months, he’s undergone chemotherapy and radiation treatments. In August, he is scheduled for surgery. I will be heading north, and will be staying with my folks during the surgery and recovery. I’m very thankful that my company is being very flexible, and allowing me to work remotely during that time.

My father’s prognosis is very good, and with the surgery, he should make a full recovery. However, it is still a very stressful time for us all.

And I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t fucking with my head at all, the number of family member who’ve dealt with cancer in the last few years. It would be nice to have just six months without it. Or to be able to come down from one loss or one battle before then next comes along.

I am exhausted. I am unmotivated.

Just sayin’.

100% Official – Not Dying!

I officially, 100%, no question or doubt have beaten the pre-cancerous condition I was diagnosed with last April.   To celebrate, I’m going to go drinking tomorrow evening after work with as many friends as dare to show up.  That it happens to be Amateur Drinkers’ Night is an unfortunate coincidence.

If you want the where and whens, email me and you can come have the booze with me.

Cheers!

Cancer

Cancer has played a huge role in my life through the last year or so.   I’ve lost two family members this year to this thing, my sister and my uncle who was also like my godfather.    My sister passed away the first week of February.  I had gotten an email from her just a few days earlier, telling me that she the cancer was terminal, and that she was planning on making a trip out to California.  I thought I was going to get a chance to say good bye.   She was gone within a few days.

In March, when my ex ended our two plus year relationship, he told me he would have done it sooner, but it was hard to find the right time, “because someone was always dying of cancer.”   

Within a month, I was diagnosed with a pre-cancerous condition that could develop into the same type of cancer that had taken my sister.   Most cases do not develop into full-blown cancer, though, and since my lesions were considered “low-grade”, the doctor thought it was best to monitor the cells, rather than prescribing any treatment.  I would be retested every three months until I had had three negative/normal tests in a row.

Then in May, the week of my birthday, my uncle passed, too.   I spent my birthday in airports, trying to get to Iowa for the funeral.   I got a text from my ex while I was sitting in the airport, and I wanted to scream and rip his guts out.  

Cancer has been this force and this fear.    

On November 1, Dia De Los Muertos (The Day of the Dead) I went down to my local tattoo shop, and I got this tattoo:

img_0147

These types of designs, these skulls are part of the celebration of the day when the dead can walk amongst the living again.  I wanted to do something for my sister, my uncle, and my other family who have left in the last few years, including my grandfather.  

Yesterday, I got the results of my second Every-Three-Months test.   It was my second normal in a row.  If it had been positive, I would have had to start all over again, and it would be a year before it could be over, and always with the fear of it progressing.   Now, I feel like I’m free, because with two normals behind me, I just have to get one more test, and it’s highly unlikely that it’ll come back at this point.

 

Cancer is behind me.

 And the rest of my life is in front of me.

So Low

I’m still waiting for the call about my uncle. I’ve been so low today, that I’m not sure what to write. I’m depressed to that point where all I did was eat and sleep all day. I’m starving right now, but I’m almost out of food in the house, and I’m not sure I want to eat so late. It’s like I have a tape worm, and I just can’t get full.

I went to play for a while with Pedro, which helped a lot. It was part rehearsal and part therapy session. It’s the fringe benefits of being in a band, I suppose.

I hope that I snap out of it tomorrow.


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