Tag: family

Life in The Crapper

Yeah, so I’m still waiting for my dad’s surgery next month, and at times, it seems like my whole life is just sort of hanging out waiting for that to be over.  I feel like I can’t really make any plans, because I don’t really know when I’ll be back to California.   Also, it’s just kind of put me in a foul mood, in general.

So then, last week, my Kayphore broke her face in a bicycle accident.   Like, she literally fell off of her bike and landed face first on the street.   She broke three teeth in the process and has to go through all this dental work now, not to mention the busted knees and black eyes.   So, I’ve been trying to do as much as I can for her, and been trying to think of ways to cheer her up, be there for her, and distract her.   It’s the least I can do after all the time’s she’s saved my ass.

But while all this is going on, I can’t genuinely say that everything sucks.  I mean, I do have my moments where I certainly feel that way, but then I also have moments where it’s the last thought on my mind.

This Saturday, I’m going to Reno with The Happy Couple.   I’m going to get a spa room all to myself and have a lovely soak.   Also probably going to spend a bit of time out on the town.   Life can’t suck too much with a cocktail, hand of blackjack, and a jacuzi, can it?

Also, there’s something very interesting going on at home.   We have a pair of house guests from Turkey.   They sort of ended up in California without anywhere to go, and ended up at our house.   It’s a long story that I don’t want to go into about how they got here.  Let’s just say it involves some employment policies involving visible tattoos.   It’s kind of fun, though, and the house definitely feels lively with them there.

And today is The Wiz’s birthday, and we’re all going to see Harry Potter.   This is despite the fact that I’ve never really seen the other movies and/or read the books.   I shall be quite lost and confused throughout.   But whatever, it’s her birthday and that’s what she wants to do.  When it was my birthday, and all I wanted to do was ignore it, they all obliged, after all.

Finally, there is a little cuteness being directed my way, and I can’t say that I mind.    But as you know, if you ask about it, I’ll only get dodgy, so don’t even think about it.

So yeah, that’s what I’ve got.  That’s what’s up.

I’m just sayin’.

Return of My Old Nemesis

So, if you’ve been following this here blog for very long, you probably remember back in March when I was celebrating and dancing on Cancer’s grave. I really thought that it was in our past, and that myself and my family could relax.

Well, the Bitch is back.

In April, just weeks after I got my final all clear, my father was diagnosed with cancer. In the last few months, he’s undergone chemotherapy and radiation treatments. In August, he is scheduled for surgery. I will be heading north, and will be staying with my folks during the surgery and recovery. I’m very thankful that my company is being very flexible, and allowing me to work remotely during that time.

My father’s prognosis is very good, and with the surgery, he should make a full recovery. However, it is still a very stressful time for us all.

And I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t fucking with my head at all, the number of family member who’ve dealt with cancer in the last few years. It would be nice to have just six months without it. Or to be able to come down from one loss or one battle before then next comes along.

I am exhausted. I am unmotivated.

Just sayin’.

Cancer

Cancer has played a huge role in my life through the last year or so.   I’ve lost two family members this year to this thing, my sister and my uncle who was also like my godfather.    My sister passed away the first week of February.  I had gotten an email from her just a few days earlier, telling me that she the cancer was terminal, and that she was planning on making a trip out to California.  I thought I was going to get a chance to say good bye.   She was gone within a few days.

In March, when my ex ended our two plus year relationship, he told me he would have done it sooner, but it was hard to find the right time, “because someone was always dying of cancer.”   

Within a month, I was diagnosed with a pre-cancerous condition that could develop into the same type of cancer that had taken my sister.   Most cases do not develop into full-blown cancer, though, and since my lesions were considered “low-grade”, the doctor thought it was best to monitor the cells, rather than prescribing any treatment.  I would be retested every three months until I had had three negative/normal tests in a row.

Then in May, the week of my birthday, my uncle passed, too.   I spent my birthday in airports, trying to get to Iowa for the funeral.   I got a text from my ex while I was sitting in the airport, and I wanted to scream and rip his guts out.  

Cancer has been this force and this fear.    

On November 1, Dia De Los Muertos (The Day of the Dead) I went down to my local tattoo shop, and I got this tattoo:

img_0147

These types of designs, these skulls are part of the celebration of the day when the dead can walk amongst the living again.  I wanted to do something for my sister, my uncle, and my other family who have left in the last few years, including my grandfather.  

Yesterday, I got the results of my second Every-Three-Months test.   It was my second normal in a row.  If it had been positive, I would have had to start all over again, and it would be a year before it could be over, and always with the fear of it progressing.   Now, I feel like I’m free, because with two normals behind me, I just have to get one more test, and it’s highly unlikely that it’ll come back at this point.

 

Cancer is behind me.

 And the rest of my life is in front of me.

Ooops, I Took a Break.

Without realizing it, I managed to go almost two weeks without posting a single entry. I’ve become a slacker, it seems. I have been a busy gal.

And then there was another funeral. It was my step-grandfather, so not someone I was close to. In fact, I only met him once. I mostly went down to be supportive of my family. My sister and step-brothers and nephew. And so, I swooped into Bakersfield after the funeral, and dragged them out to play mini-gulf.  I got my ass handed to me.  Seriously, my step-brother is a put-put God!

Along the way, there’s been lots of hi-jinks and a whole lot of hanging out with Kayphore, who’s quickly becoming my most favoritest person in the universe. Us cyborgs have to stick together. And I have discovered that I am a cyborg. I must be, because I can be funny in HTML. No lies.

So, anyway, I’ll try to be more entertaining and to have more to say.   There’s some exciting band weirdness coming up this weekend that I’ll write about afterwards.

There’s also maid of honor hi-jinks to come, and again, I’ll keep you up to date.

So, I guess what I’m saying is, “stay tuned.”

Thoughts on The A-Word

Last night, I wrote a throw away post on my parents’ anniversary.  I wanted to write something, and I wanted to shout out to them on their special day, but I wasn’t really in the mood to write.    So, here’s what I woulda/coulda/shoulda written last night.  Here are my thoughts on their anniversary, and on anniversaries in general.

  • I sort of forgot that it was their anniversary, until I was on the phone with my mom.   I didn’t feel too bad about it, though, ’cause I think they forgot, too.   My dad got up yesterday to go to work, and he found a note from my mom asking him to pick up milk on the way home.   When he was finishing up his day with some paperwork, he remembered the date.  He said something to one of his co-workers, like, “oh, it’s June 10th.  It’s my wedding anniversary.”  The co-worker asked what he was going to get for my mom, and he told him he was getting her a carton of milk.  My mom gave him a slice of banana bread in return.   I hope to someday be in a relationship long enough that anniversaries are still important, but not anything to break your heart over if it happens to slip my mind.
  • Anniversaries.  The root of the word is ‘annual’.   Meaning yearly.   There’s no such thing as a six month anniversary.  A one month anniversary is also right out.   I think that would be a lunaversary.   And really, it’s just lunacy.   Being able to relate to someone for 30 whole days in a row shouldn’t be that difficult.   Unless you’re me, apparently, but that’s a rant for another time.
  • I don’t do anniversaries.  I was in a long term relationship once.   In two plus years, we could never agree when that anniversary would be, if we were to celebrate one.   When you get married, it’s easy.  It’s the day of the ceremony.   The anniversary of a birth, also very easy to track.    I’ve had anniversaries at jobs, too.  That’s super duper easy.   But when does it start to actually count when you’re dating.   ‘Cause there’s dating, and then there’s dating.    I mean, I could go on a date tonight, and in that sense, I’d be dating someone, but I wouldn’t consider someone my boyfriend on the first date.    So, if I did go on a date (this is a purely hypothetical scenario, by the way), and then down the road, that person did become a significant part of my life and family, when does it count?   What about if you’re with somebody for a really long time before you get married, and the day you consider to be the anniversary is different from your wedding date?   This is why I don’t do it.  It’s too confusing.  As always, though, I reserve the right to change my mind.
  • My parents have been married for 37 years.  They raised two kids.   I use the term loosely, since I don’t feel like too much of a real adult.   They worked.   They moved a few times.   They retired.   Now my dad is working again.    All this stuff has happened for them, to them, and with them.   They couldn’t possibly be the same people they were when they married, at ages 31 and 24.    How the hell did they do that?   I can’t even manage to get anyone to like me for more than 36 hours in a row right now.   I am incapable of being lovable.   And they’ve been in love longer than I’ve been alive.   My mom didn’t even like him when they met!    Seriously!   WTF?    What is wrong with me?
Just sayin’.  

Worst Birthday EVER

Friday was my birthday, but it was also the day that I had to fly out for my uncle’s memorial services in Iowa, so I knew it wasn’t going to be a cheerful day.  I just had no idea how bad it would actually be.

I had a flight out of SFO at 9:45 connecting in Chicago that would have gotten me into Des Moines at around 6 local time.   That would have given me a little time to hang with the fam before the memorial on Saturday morning.   I thought it was a decent arrangement.

What I forgot to count on was the crazy mid-western weather patterns.  It turned out that there were some thunderstorms and tornado warnings in Chicago.  We were loaded onto our plane in San Francisco, and then sat there on the runway for close to two hours.  Of course I missed my connection at O’Hare, so I ended up spending two hours in the airport bar.  I struck up a conversation with some folks around me.  One couple was leaving their six kids for a much needed week long vacation in Florida.  They were really nice.  Another fella bought me a beer for my birthday.

Finally I got to board a plane to Iowa, but of course, it sat for thirty minutes on the runway, too.   I finally landed in Des Moines about 10:30.  I got a rental car, and headed out for my aunt’s house.  The thing is, though, that they had been having some heavy rainfall in the area, and I was told by my mom when I got to Iowa that there were “some closed freeways” because of the flooding.  But of course, no one could say exactly where this was, and/or a way around it.  This was news to the guy behind the rental counter.   He gave me a map, though, not a very good one.

Of course, I got lost.   I called them to let me know, my mom doesn’t know anything about where i am, so she’s just stressing me out.  Even my cousins who had spent a considerable amount of time there both growing up and as adults couldn’t guide me in.  I stopped and asked for directions at a gas station, but the attendant also couldn’t help me.  Finally after checking another useless map at the gas station, and piecing together what my cousin was able to tell me, I thought I knew what I was doing, and I headed out again.  By some miracle of luck, I ended up meeting up with the highway beyond the flooding, and I got in to the hotel where I was staying with my mom and my aunt just about 12:15.

That was the longest, most miserable day ever.   I decided that the universe owes me one for that birthday.

We’ll be celebrating officially this Friday.   Hopefully the get together goes off without any of these kind of hitches.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow morning, I’m going to get up and go to the airport, and get on a plane to Iowa.   My uncle passed away.   I’m going to the funeral.  It’s weird, and it doesn’t seem real.

I’m just sitting here in my room, and it feels like any other Thursday night.  I’m only going to be there for a couple of days, and I’ve literally squeezed all the stuff I need into my large purse.

I may not post for a couple of days.   Wish me luck.

My Life is Stuck in Fast Foward

Right now, it seems like my life is moving at twice the speed of what it should. The last three months have been an insane kind of roller coaster.

In February, I lost my sister, and I felt like my life was derailed as my relationship was falling apart in front of me. I was feeling low and lonely, facing a life I didn’t even recognize. It all sort of came to a head in March.

When my ex lowered the gate on our relationship, I was lost.  I felt like the relationship had been the backbone to my life, and it was just gone. Looking back, I should have known, and it wasn’t like things were perfect, but I needed it to work, so I thought it would. Just if we could hang in there, everything would be good again. I was like a junkie who kept going back to try to recapture that original high, but just like heroine, that relationship was never going to give me what it had in the beginning, and it was only going to drag me down.

While I was going through the break up, trying to figure out what the heck to do with my life, I decided to jump off of a ledge that I had been teetering on for such a long time. I went for it, as it were, and ended up with my band. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever had or done, and I can’t wait to see what we’re going to do. I geek out on it at least once per day.

My job has been a source of stress for some time, since we got bought out by the Huge Corporation. A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting here in my living room, and one of my friends pinged me, saying he knew of an opening that I might be interested in. I interviewed, and was offered the job. I’m really excited to be starting that job.

I’ve come to embrace my singleness. Crazy single girl lifestyle is feeling more natural and comfortable as every day passes. I go out with my friends, and we do what we do how we do it. It’s nice to not feel obligated or guilty for doing only what I like, and it’s equally nice to know that I alone am calling the shots here. And with all of that comes the joy of flirting and that anticipation of new beginnings.

Then this morning, I got one of those horrible phone calls that you never want to get. My uncle was diagnosed with multiple myeloma last summer. He also had a massive heart attack and pneumonia twice. He’s been in and out of the hospital, having chemotherapy and what not. This morning, my cousin called to say that the doctors said that he has at most a few more days. I spent a good part of the day trying to help my mom get an airline ticket so that she could get to Iowa to see him. I hope she makes it in time.

I just can’t help thinking, though, that this can’t be normal. Who else loses a sister, loses a partner, joins a band, gets a new job, and then loses the head of her family all within three months? Can the cosmos ease up on the accelerator?

These ups and downs are a bit much.

Just sayin’.

Woo Hoo – About Freaking Time

The Supreme Court here in the Golden State has overturned the ban on gay marriage! I would have thought this would have happened a lot sooner in our state, but I’ll take it, any way.

Take that Republicans!

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – The government should not be dictating morality by sanctioning one marriage over another.  It’s all or none.  One for all and all for one.

Mom’s In Town

Mom got in on Saturday night, and we spent yesterday together, and even saw my brother for a while. We went to the Winchester Mystery House, because it’s something she had always wanted to do. This was the second time I had been there this year, and it was just as cool the second time around. I love that house, and I still say that I want to be just like Sara Winchester when I grow up.

So, this is going to be a crazy week in a different sense. Lots of family stuff, and probably a lot of running around. We’re going to get me a sewing machine so that I can become just as crafty as Mom. Actually, that’s not humanly possibly, I don’t think. My mom is pretty damn crafty. I just want to be able to make a curtain to cover the ugly bars in my bathroom and some cushions for my window bench. Maybe I’ll progress some day to making some clothing.

Also on the agenda is going out to eat at places my dad wouldn’t want to go to, like for Indian. I think it’s hilarious that my mom wants to do this. It just goes to show that it’s always good to have some time to do your own thing, even after 37 years. Yeah, they’ve been married that long. I don’t know if that gives me hope or scares the crap out of me, to be honest.