My Life is Stuck in Fast Foward

Right now, it seems like my life is moving at twice the speed of what it should. The last three months have been an insane kind of roller coaster.

In February, I lost my sister, and I felt like my life was derailed as my relationship was falling apart in front of me. I was feeling low and lonely, facing a life I didn’t even recognize. It all sort of came to a head in March.

When my ex lowered the gate on our relationship, I was lost.  I felt like the relationship had been the backbone to my life, and it was just gone. Looking back, I should have known, and it wasn’t like things were perfect, but I needed it to work, so I thought it would. Just if we could hang in there, everything would be good again. I was like a junkie who kept going back to try to recapture that original high, but just like heroine, that relationship was never going to give me what it had in the beginning, and it was only going to drag me down.

While I was going through the break up, trying to figure out what the heck to do with my life, I decided to jump off of a ledge that I had been teetering on for such a long time. I went for it, as it were, and ended up with my band. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever had or done, and I can’t wait to see what we’re going to do. I geek out on it at least once per day.

My job has been a source of stress for some time, since we got bought out by the Huge Corporation. A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting here in my living room, and one of my friends pinged me, saying he knew of an opening that I might be interested in. I interviewed, and was offered the job. I’m really excited to be starting that job.

I’ve come to embrace my singleness. Crazy single girl lifestyle is feeling more natural and comfortable as every day passes. I go out with my friends, and we do what we do how we do it. It’s nice to not feel obligated or guilty for doing only what I like, and it’s equally nice to know that I alone am calling the shots here. And with all of that comes the joy of flirting and that anticipation of new beginnings.

Then this morning, I got one of those horrible phone calls that you never want to get. My uncle was diagnosed with multiple myeloma last summer. He also had a massive heart attack and pneumonia twice. He’s been in and out of the hospital, having chemotherapy and what not. This morning, my cousin called to say that the doctors said that he has at most a few more days. I spent a good part of the day trying to help my mom get an airline ticket so that she could get to Iowa to see him. I hope she makes it in time.

I just can’t help thinking, though, that this can’t be normal. Who else loses a sister, loses a partner, joins a band, gets a new job, and then loses the head of her family all within three months? Can the cosmos ease up on the accelerator?

These ups and downs are a bit much.

Just sayin’.

2 Responses to “My Life is Stuck in Fast Foward”


  1. 1 LLOYD TIEGS May 25, 2008 at 5:21 am

    You have a heavenly father who loves you with an everlasting love. “God would have all men to be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth.” Jesus said, “I am the way the truth and the life.”

    I have Multiple M. Life here on earth is just a moment in time. What is more important; a life that never ends in Heaven. God telles us that life here is going to have problems and losses, but He will help us through the problems and if we believe that His Son, Jesus has taken the punishment for our sins so we can enter heaven.

    May God bless you.

  2. 2 peggyluwho May 25, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    Thanks for your kind words, Lloyd. I don’t really go in for the Christianity thing, but I appreciate the sentiment, I think.


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