Tag: thoughts

I’m On An Airplane

Okay, so it’s not quite so cool as being on a boat, but I’m in the air somewhere over southern Minnesota/South Dakota.  And I’m on the internet.   So, technology is sweet.  I like living in the future.

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks, so having to travel to  New York for work wasn’t something I was really looking forward to.   I had to give a bunch of presentations and meet with a bunch of people I had never met before.   That’s not necessarily my strongest suit, but from what I was told, I killed it.   I hope I did.  I also hope that I don’t have to do that again any time soon.  Work trips are exhausting.   I was exhausted before I left California.

But my trip wasn’t all bad.  I got to spend some time with a friend who I had been missing quite a bit.  I like hanging out with him because I feel like we learn from one another.  Also, I feel like every time we see each other, we understand each other better.   He’s an important friend to me.

So being on this flight is a little bit bittersweet.  I am so looking forward to getting home and sleeping in my own bed, and showering in my own shower, and spending some time with Mr. Darcy.   But I’m going to miss my friend.

However, I’ve realized that missing someone isn’t such a bad thing.  It means that you have someone who you share good memories with.  There’s someone who has mad you happy, and that you maybe even have loved.

Applicable to my life in more ways than just one right now.

Just sayin’.

So Much on My Mind, So Little to Say

I’ve got a lot going on in my head right now, but it’s mostly very personal, so I don’t feel right putting it on this blog for the whole world to read.   I still maintain that there are certain things that you don’t need to throw out on the internet.   Or, at the very least, I should try to be vague about these things, pretend that I’m not laying my heart wide open for any pervert or ex or perverted ex to read about. 

Change happens.

Just sayin’.

Awake Again. . . Still

So, my intermittent sleep issues have reared their ugly heads again.   I’m reasonably sure that I can easily trace this evenings troubles back to the source.    

I stayed up quite late last night, talking about everything, which as you know is really nothing.  And nothingness is everything.  

So, I laid down about an hour ago, and I started replaying the conversation, and it’s all swimming around in my head.  And I wondered what the next one is going to be about.  

Then I started worrying about my family.   And, well, that’s totally pointless, isn’t it?

So then I realized that I was hungry, and I was thinking about the bag of avocados I picked up at the grocery yesterday.  They’re on my shelf . . . . taunting me.   

Then I wondered about next Friday’s soccer game, because I’m obsessed with my soccer team right now.   We lose every game, but it’s so much fun running around and sweating like a kid again.  And I was hoping maybe I could convince some more of my friends to come watch me play.

Of course, then I started thinking about coloring my hair fluorescent pink, again.   Trying to imagine what everyone’s reaction to that would be.    

Do you know how much I want to go to England again, but I’m not sure I can afford it, but I’m just going to say “fuck it” and do it anyway.

And I hope that they like the lyrics I started to write, and maybe my bandmates can turn it into something less cheesy than it is right now.

And then I was thinking that I hadn’t written a really good blog in quite some time, because every time I do, I just think they sound whiney.    And I want something that’s just awesomely funny to happen, that’s also not terribly personal, so I can write it up here.

Everything is personal right now, and I start thinking about friends new and old and all the crazy life changing shit that we’re all in the middle of right now.  All of it just swirling around us all, and swallowing us up.  New babies, babies on the way, soccer teams, band drama, weddings to plan, websites to build, places to go, dancing to do, music to make, goals to score or block, and what to write, and will it ever make a difference at all.  

And it’s all just going round and round, and I’m not sleeping, but I’ve got it out a little now, haven’t I?    And maybe when I go back to my bed, it’ll stay here in this blog, and I can pick it up again tomorrow.

And maybe I’ll have a sweet, sweet dream.   And maybe I’ll have some avocado for breakfast.  

Maybe.

Just sayin’.

Just Leave That Anywhere

Last night was another restless one. I guess after all that sleep the night before, my brain was revived enough to return to its regularly scheduled program. I finally fell asleep around 4:30 this morning, only to wake up at 7. It’s all the same stuff floating around in there, over and over again. The same what-ifs.

My new favorite what-if has got to be – what if I could just set my brain down somewhere and walk away from it for a little while. I just need a break from carrying all of this around. I think it would do a world of good if I could just shelve it for a little while.

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In the middle of it all, the tossing and turning, the getting up and going back down, the attempts at meditation and what not, I realized that I have been having at least one night of really crappy sleep per week since I moved into this place. And it all started to add up.

You see, it takes me about nine months to adjust to any major change in my life: New apartment, new job, new boyfriend, no more boyfriend, parents moving, grandparents passing away, what have you. I learned this when I moved to Miami for my freshman year of college, which was my first real life altering event. I was horribly home sick up until about a month before I left. Unfortunately, just as I was starting to feel comfortable in Miami, I had to turn right back around and come back to California. Ever since then, this rule has proven true in all life’s changes. All these moves I’ve made in the last four years and new jobs, it’s taken almost precisely nine months to acclimate. Of course, then I would move again, or start a new job, or something.

By my calculations, I’ll probably start to feel comfortable enough in this apartment to get consistent good nights’ sleep long about July. Everything that went down last week should be cleared up by Christmas. So as long as nothing else happens, I should be comfortable, well rested, and content by New Years. That’s my timeline. Any patience with me in the meantime would be greatly appreciated.  Especially since I’m running on fumes and my gut feels like it may explode at any moment.

Just sayin’.