Last night was another restless one. I guess after all that sleep the night before, my brain was revived enough to return to its regularly scheduled program. I finally fell asleep around 4:30 this morning, only to wake up at 7. It’s all the same stuff floating around in there, over and over again. The same what-ifs.
My new favorite what-if has got to be – what if I could just set my brain down somewhere and walk away from it for a little while. I just need a break from carrying all of this around. I think it would do a world of good if I could just shelve it for a little while.
In the middle of it all, the tossing and turning, the getting up and going back down, the attempts at meditation and what not, I realized that I have been having at least one night of really crappy sleep per week since I moved into this place. And it all started to add up.
You see, it takes me about nine months to adjust to any major change in my life: New apartment, new job, new boyfriend, no more boyfriend, parents moving, grandparents passing away, what have you. I learned this when I moved to Miami for my freshman year of college, which was my first real life altering event. I was horribly home sick up until about a month before I left. Unfortunately, just as I was starting to feel comfortable in Miami, I had to turn right back around and come back to California. Ever since then, this rule has proven true in all life’s changes. All these moves I’ve made in the last four years and new jobs, it’s taken almost precisely nine months to acclimate. Of course, then I would move again, or start a new job, or something.
By my calculations, I’ll probably start to feel comfortable enough in this apartment to get consistent good nights’ sleep long about July. Everything that went down last week should be cleared up by Christmas. So as long as nothing else happens, I should be comfortable, well rested, and content by New Years. That’s my timeline. Any patience with me in the meantime would be greatly appreciated. Especially since I’m running on fumes and my gut feels like it may explode at any moment.