Rethinking A Few Things

I spent last week in New York.  It was a work trip that had been planned for a while.  It wasn’t really good timing, and it wasn’t really a thing I wanted to do, really.   I thought perhaps that it might distract me from some things which will remain unsaid.   It was distracting, and it did put certain things out of my mind, but yet, the things that replaced those thoughts were perhaps not what I was expecting.

It wasn’t so long ago, visiting for another work trip at a different job entirely, that I thought that I could easily move to New York at any time.  In fact, I even envisioned myself going to NYU for grad school.  I didn’t even care what the field of study might be.  The point was that I would be living the student life, probably sharing an apartment in an exotic borough, like the Bronx.   I always thought of it as a sojourn.  I felt that I would spend a few years in The Big Apple, but eventually the Bay Area, specifically the East Bay, was where I would end up for good.  I have never felt that I belonged anywhere the way that I feel that I belong here at home.

As the years went by, it was a dream I sort of forgot about.  I knew I wouldn’t lay down permanent roots somewhere else, so I just settled into my roots here, and forgot about moving away.   I explored more of the world, even further outside of New York and the United States, and everywhere I’ve ever been, no matter how much I liked it, I always was happy to come home to California, to Oakland.  I am more Oakland or East Bay than anything else.

So, it didn’t surprise me very much to find myself not really digging New York.  I mean, strongly not digging.  I could not wait to get the heck out of there.  I didn’t want to listen to the endless honking, and I didn’t want to get bumped and jostled down the street.  I had no desire to squeeze myself onto an overpacked rush hour subway train.  I didn’t want to wear a hat, a hoodie, a coat, a scarf, and mittens. Every part of my body seemed to be screaming in protest to my surroundings.  And at the end of the day, I was so tired.

New York City is exhausting, and it wears my soul out.

When I finally got home, and walked to work on Monday, the sun was shining, I was wearing a light hoodie, no one bumped me as I walked down the street, and I think maybe I heard one car horn honk.  I am so happy to be home. Home, sweet, peaceful Oakland.

dorothy

Just sayin’.

I’m On An Airplane

Okay, so it’s not quite so cool as being on a boat, but I’m in the air somewhere over southern Minnesota/South Dakota.  And I’m on the internet.   So, technology is sweet.  I like living in the future.

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks, so having to travel to  New York for work wasn’t something I was really looking forward to.   I had to give a bunch of presentations and meet with a bunch of people I had never met before.   That’s not necessarily my strongest suit, but from what I was told, I killed it.   I hope I did.  I also hope that I don’t have to do that again any time soon.  Work trips are exhausting.   I was exhausted before I left California.

But my trip wasn’t all bad.  I got to spend some time with a friend who I had been missing quite a bit.  I like hanging out with him because I feel like we learn from one another.  Also, I feel like every time we see each other, we understand each other better.   He’s an important friend to me.

So being on this flight is a little bit bittersweet.  I am so looking forward to getting home and sleeping in my own bed, and showering in my own shower, and spending some time with Mr. Darcy.   But I’m going to miss my friend.

However, I’ve realized that missing someone isn’t such a bad thing.  It means that you have someone who you share good memories with.  There’s someone who has mad you happy, and that you maybe even have loved.

Applicable to my life in more ways than just one right now.

Just sayin’.