Rethinking A Few Things

I spent last week in New York.  It was a work trip that had been planned for a while.  It wasn’t really good timing, and it wasn’t really a thing I wanted to do, really.   I thought perhaps that it might distract me from some things which will remain unsaid.   It was distracting, and it did put certain things out of my mind, but yet, the things that replaced those thoughts were perhaps not what I was expecting.

It wasn’t so long ago, visiting for another work trip at a different job entirely, that I thought that I could easily move to New York at any time.  In fact, I even envisioned myself going to NYU for grad school.  I didn’t even care what the field of study might be.  The point was that I would be living the student life, probably sharing an apartment in an exotic borough, like the Bronx.   I always thought of it as a sojourn.  I felt that I would spend a few years in The Big Apple, but eventually the Bay Area, specifically the East Bay, was where I would end up for good.  I have never felt that I belonged anywhere the way that I feel that I belong here at home.

As the years went by, it was a dream I sort of forgot about.  I knew I wouldn’t lay down permanent roots somewhere else, so I just settled into my roots here, and forgot about moving away.   I explored more of the world, even further outside of New York and the United States, and everywhere I’ve ever been, no matter how much I liked it, I always was happy to come home to California, to Oakland.  I am more Oakland or East Bay than anything else.

So, it didn’t surprise me very much to find myself not really digging New York.  I mean, strongly not digging.  I could not wait to get the heck out of there.  I didn’t want to listen to the endless honking, and I didn’t want to get bumped and jostled down the street.  I had no desire to squeeze myself onto an overpacked rush hour subway train.  I didn’t want to wear a hat, a hoodie, a coat, a scarf, and mittens. Every part of my body seemed to be screaming in protest to my surroundings.  And at the end of the day, I was so tired.

New York City is exhausting, and it wears my soul out.

When I finally got home, and walked to work on Monday, the sun was shining, I was wearing a light hoodie, no one bumped me as I walked down the street, and I think maybe I heard one car horn honk.  I am so happy to be home. Home, sweet, peaceful Oakland.

dorothy

Just sayin’.

CSGL and the Chamber of Freakishly Weird Dreams

I’ve been at my parents’ house for a week now.   My dad is going to be having his tumor removed on Friday.   Since he’ll be in the hospital for at least a week, and my mom does not drive, I’m here to help out.   My company has graciously allowed me to work remotely while I am staying with my parents, which is very cool.   I’m not burning through PTO while I’m here.

So what am I up to?   Well so far I’ve just been working, driving my folks around, and reading.   Reading the tail end of the Chronicles of Narnia and starting the Harry Potter series.    I’ve also seen more than my fair share of ESPN’s various programs and many episodes of MASH.   What can I say, but it’s what Dad likes.

It’s pretty odd being here, at the folks’ place, as I’ve never lived here.   This is my parents’ retirement home in Washington.  They moved in about three years ago.   I’ve visited quite a few times, but it had been over a year since I had been here last.  So, while it’s my parents’ home, and I’ll always be welcome and free to make myself at home, it’s not my home.   I don’t know where things belong in the house, and I don’t know my way around the neighborhood very well.

So, I don’t know whether it’s the stress of the situation, the strange surroundings, or my reading material of late, but I’ve been having some very strange dreams.    Dreams about just about everything and everyone.   The happy couple redoing their wedding, because they decided they wanted a much more formal affair.   My house being home invaded while only myself and one roommate were home, and the robbery being done by a girl I went to Junior High with.    My teenage self being told by my parents that they were expecting another baby.  A friend’s bed being full of random strangers, one of whom was very angry with me for being better liked than her.   And finally last night, Nova doing everything in his power to try to keep me from going to sleep, even though I was really exhausted.

So, I wonder what I’ll be dreaming tonight.   But before I get to bed, I’ve got to find out what’s going to happen to Harry Potter next.   My guess is that there’s going to be some stressful scenario where he could either die or be expelled from Hogwarts.  I mean, as far as I can tell, that’s the whole plot of the entire series.   Of course, I’m only on the second book.   I’m not too fond of these constant traumas, though.   Why doesn’t that idiot just go tell Dumbledore?  Geesh.

OK, yes, I am a nerd.

Just sayin’.

Crazy Single Girl Life – Home Sweet Home

It finally happened.   I finally feel like I’ve had just about enough of going out.   I’m in.  I’ve been in.  I’m not going anywhere.  

I’ve been home from my vacation for a couple of days, and I have to say, I haven’t been feeling as antsy since I got back.  I just want to hang out, and I’m enjoying my apartment more now.  I guess I just needed a bit of a break.  

So, I’m sitting here being a bit of a slug.  I kind of feel like I might be coming down with something, too.   

I’m watching trashy TV.  I’m slouching, and I’m tap tapping away at my MacBook.   I’ve been looking at all the stuff I’ve been wanting too.  

This is the life.  This is my life.   It’s not any different than when I’m running around every day.  I’m still the same person, so I guess it makes sense.   It’s just nice to feel like I can breathe again in my own house.  I’m still going to go out when I want, but hopefully I’ll find some balance now.   

And by balance, I mean passing out on the couch with a belly full of risotto.  

Just sayin’.

cat
more cat pictures