Month: March 2008

Quote of the Day

This one is from the best writer in America today. Me.

Who needs straight men when gay guys think you’re fabulous just the way you are, and don’t want to take advantage of you?

Of course, I’m a little biased at the moment. I just met the most intriguing gay man in the Castro. He gave me his number. I gave him my number. Maybe it’ll never turn into anything, but I’m hoping we can hang out, and have fun. I think that’s what I need now, more than anything – someone who loves me for the fucked up mess that I am, and doesn’t want me to be anything more or less than that. It’s the perfect symbiotic relationship: gay man/straight woman. I don’t know why it works so well, but it just does.

I’m looking for blind admiration and fruitless flirting here, folks.

Just sayin’.

Not in a Million Years

Apparently somebody read that last post and thought I was going to kill myself. UM, no, and if you thought that, you don’t know me AT ALL.

The post was about how resistant I am to take drugs to solve my problems, but since I was/am so tired, and really needed to get a good nights sleep, I gave up my resistance and took the damn medicine. Part of the reason why I was hesitant to take the pills was that I was afraid of some extreme side effect that would put me in a coma, hence the crack about never waking up again. Geesh, LIGHTEN UP!

Yes, 30 Helens and my doctor would agree that I’m having a rough streak with all kinds of stuff hitting the fan, but those same Helens, my doctor, and most importantly, I know that this is all going to pass and I’ll be fine.

I think that if you thought that, on top of not knowing me, you also haven’t been reading much else on my blog. It should all be in context. There’s a lot of stuff I’ve written about lately, in particular the post about my time line, in which I am looking to and making plans for the future.

So put away your pocket Freud. I’m fine. Geesh. You make one little joke about a coma, and all hell breaks loose.

Just Leave That Anywhere

Last night was another restless one. I guess after all that sleep the night before, my brain was revived enough to return to its regularly scheduled program. I finally fell asleep around 4:30 this morning, only to wake up at 7. It’s all the same stuff floating around in there, over and over again. The same what-ifs.

My new favorite what-if has got to be – what if I could just set my brain down somewhere and walk away from it for a little while. I just need a break from carrying all of this around. I think it would do a world of good if I could just shelve it for a little while.

brain_lab-710283.jpg

In the middle of it all, the tossing and turning, the getting up and going back down, the attempts at meditation and what not, I realized that I have been having at least one night of really crappy sleep per week since I moved into this place. And it all started to add up.

You see, it takes me about nine months to adjust to any major change in my life: New apartment, new job, new boyfriend, no more boyfriend, parents moving, grandparents passing away, what have you. I learned this when I moved to Miami for my freshman year of college, which was my first real life altering event. I was horribly home sick up until about a month before I left. Unfortunately, just as I was starting to feel comfortable in Miami, I had to turn right back around and come back to California. Ever since then, this rule has proven true in all life’s changes. All these moves I’ve made in the last four years and new jobs, it’s taken almost precisely nine months to acclimate. Of course, then I would move again, or start a new job, or something.

By my calculations, I’ll probably start to feel comfortable enough in this apartment to get consistent good nights’ sleep long about July. Everything that went down last week should be cleared up by Christmas. So as long as nothing else happens, I should be comfortable, well rested, and content by New Years. That’s my timeline. Any patience with me in the meantime would be greatly appreciated.  Especially since I’m running on fumes and my gut feels like it may explode at any moment.

Just sayin’.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night – Starry Plough

This past Saturday I trotted down to the Starry Plough in Berkeley to see S.O.L., Monkey, and Los Hooligans. Beforehand I talked to Momser about how my life is changing. She was telling me that it was a grieving process (in more than one way) and that I needed to respect that and allow myself to go through it. She suggested a short wake, where I raised a glass to the life I knew, bid it a fond farewell, and accept its passing. I decided to celebrate life past and present with some very good friends, and, you know, beer.
I took many photos throughout the evening, but unfortunately didn’t remember that I had my
camera until after S.O.L.’s set. I really enjoyed their set, and was really intrigued with how they’ve changed over the years. I hope they play again soon, so I can maybe give it a closer listen.

Kelly made it out Kelly

Adam was on top of his game
Adam Looking Hot

I was looking my best (SYKE!)
So Cute

RAYMOND!!!!!
Raymond and Me

AJ showed me an iPod full of pictures of his family (Side Note – have I shown you the pics on my iPod?)
Me and AJ

I really like this Dark and Mysterious Curt
Curt

Hi Sarah!
Sarah

Micah was holding it down
Micah Drumming

Dustin Monkey
Dustin

Brian Monkey
Brian

I guess I didn’t get a picture of Dan or Donelle playing, but I got Adam dancing
Adam Dance

Los Hooligans
Los Hooligans

Donelle Grooving
Donelle Groving

Curt doing Artibella with Los Hooligans. (I saw you with a fella)
Artibella - Curt & Los Hooligans

Adam & Donelle
Adam & Donelle

An artsy fartsy pic I took, through the looking/pint glass.
Wake

Some may go, but I think these friends are here to stay.
Me & Adam & Donelle

Fare the well, old life. It was more fun than not while it lasted, and I’ll miss you terribly.

Death and Taxes

Death = 0

Taxes = 1

I avoided death again today.  Taxes, not so much.  I just finished doing my taxes and it looks like I will actually be getting a little bit back this year.  Of course, I owed a little to the state, but less than what I’m getting back from the federal.

What to do with the money?

Maybe one of these:

178208882_ea2e83c2f3.jpg

Or a shopping spree at:

ben-sherman.jpg

Or save it for:

france_eiffeltower_2001_07_122.jpg

So many choices.   What’s a girl to do?

Finally

Last night, I started nodding off while watching a movie at around 10.  I went to bed, fell asleep, and slept through until the alarm went off at 6:00 this morning.  Sleep at last.   You have no idea how much better I feel.

Now if only I could make the nausea go away.