Reason #53 Why Living Alone Sucks

I’ve been living alone for almost six months now. I’m still not used to it. Living alone wasn’t really my choice, but I thought it was a temporary situation, so I decided I’d give it a shot. Now I’m here for at least another six months. I’m trying to be OK with it.

Sometimes I like it. I like when I know I could go somewhere else, or when there’s someone I can call or text if I feel lonely. I like having someone out there that I can reach out to, so I don’t feel like I’m in a vortex in this apartment all by myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to get trapped in here, and no one will notice. I know, rational, and all.

This afternoon, I’m working from home, and I just saw something that definitely makes it unlikable. I was sitting here, legs crossed, laptop, well, in my lap, and I was actually on the phone with my mom, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw something out the window. I looked up, and there was a man’s head coming up over the gate outside. He popped up over the gate, looked at me, and jumped over and ran down walkway that runs along the side of my apartment. I jumped off the call with my mom, and called the apartment manager immediately. He said he was going to check it out.

I hate living here alone. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

Stay out of my yard, creepazoids!

And where was my attack trained watch squirrel when I needed him???!!!??

Crazy Single Girl Life

Last night I had a meeting at a Lucky 13 with Pedro, and we discussed our plan for world domination, the soccer team we’re going to buy, and doing rails off of prostitutes asses in dressing rooms. I don’t want to put the cart before the horse, so I’ll write more about this when I’m actually officially in the band. Oops, did I just let that cat out of the bag?

Oh – funny side note, since I’m on the health kick, and I’m not drinking, I ordered a cranberry juice at the bar. I was sitting for a while, waiting, and there was another guy there sitting by himself. After a few minutes, this guy turns to me, and goes, “Excuse me, did you really just walk into a bar and order a cranberry juice?” What an ass cheese! So, I replied, “Yes! It’s both refreshing and healthy.” He didn’t really know what to do with that, so he just went back to crying in his beer, or whatever it is that ass cheese does.

Anyway, I was pretty amped up after meeting Pedro, and on the way home, I remembered that one of Baby Brother’s bands, Monster Pete and the Chiefs, was playing. I couldn’t remember where it was exactly, so I gave him a call. Hotel Utah in The City. I hopped on the freeway in Oakland, and I was there in about 15 minutes. (Gotta love living in Oakland.)

It’s been a long long time since I did something so impulsive and spontaneous. It was awesome. And I got to go out and see Baby Brother, and have a nice chat with him. And Monster Pete tore it up. I didn’t stay up too too late. I left right after the set, and was home by 11:30. By the time I loaded the CD Pedro gave me onto my iPod, flossed, and climbed into bed, it was maybe 12:10. I passed out. No insomnia last night.

When I woke up this morning, I had three picture mails, and a text on my phone that I had gotten in the middle of the night.

There’s a lot of little things that I didn’t realize I had let go of over the last few years, but now I’m getting back to myself. And myself, I am the girl whose life revolves around music, and who decides at the last minute that I want to go see that band, and I love when my friends reach out to me at all hours, just to say ‘hi’ and share some randomness with me.

And yes, Cam, those are some crazy mad props!

Floating or Drowning?

I started this whole health kick thing.   The doctors have me on this wait and see holding pattern.   In the meantime, I gotta do something, right?   So I’m reading up on all the best foods to prevent this or that.

So, now I’m taking an Omega-3 pill, in addition to a regular multi-vitamin, suppliments for my joints, and skin.  Also allergy meds and BC.   I take seven pills every morning.   That takes at least one big glass of water.

In addition to that, I’m now drinking a cup of green tea every morning.  Oh, and a small glass of juice.

So before eight in the morning, I’m completely waterlogged.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt so hydrated in my whole life.   At least it’s not as bad as the ultrasound, though.  I can go.   And oh, do I ever!

What’s the Worst You Could Do?

What’s the worst thing you could do to the world’s tiniest bladder? Fill it full of 32 ounces of water, make it hold it for an hour, and then put pressure on the outside with an ultrasound wand.

I had to have a pelvic ultrasound today. This was the second time around for me. I had my first one about a year and a half ago. I’ve been having some issues with my girly guts.

So, in order to get a good image with the doo-hicky that the run over your belly, they need to have your bladder 100% full of liquid. I don’t know why. What I do know is, it’s the most horrible trick anyone has ever played on me. It was miserable.

So, this morning, I got up, got ready, and drank the water. Then i got to drive to the hospital. I felt every single little bump in the road. And as I was sitting in the car, the waistband of my jeans were cutting into me a bit.

The truly cruel bit was, when the technician was done, and she finally said I could go, I ran to the bathroom, sat myself down, and then couldn’t. I had done such a good job of telling my body to hold it, that it took a few seconds to change it’s mind.

That was the nicest, most satisfying pee I ever took.

Just sayin’

I Miss You

I miss you more than words can say. My life will never be the same again. And yet, you’ll always be a part of me. You’ll always be my hero.

I miss your smile, and the way you used to wink at me, when no one else was looking. I miss watching the squirrels with you, and walking to the park. I’m going to miss watching Jeopardy with you, and Wheel of Fortune, too. I wish we could sit and have a glass of wine together.

It’s been three years today that I’ve been missing you, Grandpa. Every day of the last three years and every day of the rest of my life, I miss you and I love you.

Comedy of Errs

I just spent the last two weeks not speaking with one of my oldest, bestest friends, because we’re both gigantic dorks.   Each of us thought the other was not talking to her.   So, I wasn’t talking to her, because she wasn’t talking to me, because I wasn’t talking to her.  The great miscommunication of 2008.  What a pair of fools.

I’m glad we got that all sorted out, Mama Bear.   Now we can go back to being silly in other ways.

I’m Still Here

I’ve been dealt some more crap, and it’s been getting me down. This time it’s much more real than that “he doesn’t love me any more” unreality nonsense. That all doesn’t mean a thing. It’s not important.

The thing that matters most is that I woke up this morning. And I’ll wake up tomorrow. And next week. And next month. I’m not giving up. I don’t want to give up. I’m going to fight. I’m going to do what I have to do to get better and be good to myself. And this is not going to get any worse. I won’t go there.

I may not be 100% right now, but I’m going to keep doing what I need to do, and hopefully someday this will all just be a bad memory. I think the best thing I can do for myself is accept things for what they are, let go of all the things that aren’t, and just focus on the fact that this morning, this moment, I’m fine. This is my attempt at venturing into the uncharted territory of optimism.

That’s how I’m going to get better.

I Had Myself a Visitor

I’m working from home today, post dental cleanliness.   This usually involves me setting up on the love seat with some kind of music playing.   I sometimes have my feet up on the coffee table, with my laptop, well, in my lap.  I have nodded off like this, though obviously not during normal office hours.   Obviously.

It’s a nice day out, so this morning I had opened the windows in the kitchenette.   Those windows are not fully visible from my little love seat office.    I was sitting her just now, looking at my open tasks, and trying to prioritize, and I heard a little noise.

At first I thought it was a sound effect in the song on my iPod. (Monster Pete and the Chiefs)   Then I thought it was coming from out of the window.   I looked up, and I saw her.


I really did hear a cat meowing!   And she was in my apartment.   And she was running under my bed.

She is obviously not a stray.  She has on a collar with a tag and she wasn’t the slightest bit shy.  In fact she made herself right at home on the love seat:

On the bed:

And, uh, ahem:

I figured she must have jumped in the window, though it’s pretty high up.   This was confirmed when I let her out and she did it a second time.   That time I saw her.  As much as I enjoyed the visit, though, she’s not mine, and I can’t keep her, so I let her out again.   This time I closed the windows a little more.

This confirms that I should own a cat.   I’m not allowed to have one here, but hopefully at my next place, they’ll allow it.  Obviously this little fuzzy one was drawn to me.

I just hope the squirrel doesn’t get the same idea.

Pearly Whites

I had my biannual teeth cleaning this morning.    They’re all smooth and clean.  I don’t want to eat anything ever again, so I don’t mess them up.   This is probably not very feasible.   The one sour note, though, I have one cavity, so I have to go back next week to get that taken care of.

I have to say, I love my dentist.  It’s not just because he’s super good looking, either.   He’s just super understanding.   I get really nervous when they have to do any kind of drilling on my teeth. so he always hooks me up with the nitrous, every time.   I know he sounds like a bit of an Elvis Doctor, but it’s nice that I don’t have to just suffer through it.    Also, he’s just about the only person that can call me kiddo, besides my dad, and it doesn’t sound funky.

Anyway, I still have all my teeth.  I need one little filling.   Not bad for a girl who never went to the dentist until she was 18.

Keep flossing people.