Category: Uncategorized

CSGL – Quitting

It’s part of the process, really.    I opened myself to a lot of new experiences in the last year, and I call it my Crazy Single Girl Life.    It’s what you have to do, right?   You have to invite the good in.    Unfortunately, with the good, sometimes a bit of unpleasant dust blows in with it.

Part of the growing I need to do is to learn to better trust my instincts.    For the last few months, my gut has been telling me that something was wrong.      I tried to change some of my behavior, and distance myself in certain situations, to shield myself from some behavior that was making me uncomfortable.  I tried to remain optimistic, and tell myself that these were things that would just blow over with patience.   However, there comes a point where you realize that the best answer is just to stop and say, “NO.  No more.   I’m done.”

I have quit the band and the soccer team.

It wasn’t all bad, and I have made some wonderful friends.   I know that we will see each other, and continue to be a part of each others lives.

But not everyone I meet is deserving of my friendship or my respect.

And at the same time, just because you shouldn’t be friends with someone, that doesn’t mean that you have to be enemies.   It just means that you move on.

Just sayin’.

The Fringe Benifits of Working From Home

I had no idea that this was going to happen today, but I’m getting to watch the silliness that is the New Kids On The Block on the Today Show. I had no idea that this had gotten this far. I remember hearing that they were reuniting, but I had no idea that they had already started selling tickets, and they have a new album, or something.

I can’t lie, I was one of those girls when I was 12. I had posters, shirts, all the TAPES, etc. Watching this, though, I’m not getting very nostalgic. I’m looking at this with much more critical eyes, and how did I ever notice this before? Those two guys that aren’t Donnie Wahlberg, Joey McIntyre, and Jordan Knight look so awkward and uncomfortable. And if rumor is truth, those were the two who were always hesitant to get back together in the first place. Also, my tastes have changed so that Joey McIntyre is not nearly as cute as he used to be, and I’d much rather talk to that Danny Wood, if I was going to go there.

Also, these songs suck.  Or maybe it’s just the weirdness factor of a grown man singing “Hanging Tough” and doing that “Right Stuff” dance.  It’s kind of amusing how they are trying to update the music and rhythms, but yet still very sincerely singing “Please Don’t Girl,” albeit a few octaves lower.

But, it is kind of cute to see them doing those ridiculous dance moves again, and remembering what a nerd I was back then. I have no desire to go to their concert though, or any other revisiting of my adolescence, for that matter. I would much rather fly out to Honolulu to see Go Jimmy Go. They’re as close to a boy band that I’d be interested in. Them or Maldroid.

All joking aside, I wish them and their fans well.

That’s Right! Give Me MY MONEY

My stimulus package check was direct deposited today.  What to do?  What to do?

I think that if I spend it at all, I’m going to spend it in a local business.   I’m going to boost the economy of my town, Oakland, instead of just making the rich bastards richer and what not.

That’s if I spend it.  It could go straight into the “I-Work-For-A-Giant-Corporation-Who-Could-Lay-Me-Off-At-Any-Moment” Fund.

To Be Continued . . .

Tropics Lust

A friend of mine told me the other day that he’s a Seychellois, which is a person from Seychelles. I didn’t know anything about it, so I did a little googling. I’m curious like that. I spend lots of time with Google.

So, in the interest of sharing the wealth, Seychelles is an island nation off the coast of Africa in the Indian Ocean. It’s northeast of Madagascar. According to travel sites, it looks a little something like this:

They pretty much had me at “Hello”. I have been dying to go some place sweaty, warm, and tropical for a while now. This looks like just the kind of spot. I can smell coconuts just thinking about it. Of course, I’m not sure there are any coconuts there, but you know what I mean.  I wish I could run away and live on a tropical island.

Then he tells me that the sea turtle is the national mascot, or something, and does it get any better than that?

I want to sweat and I want to drink something with an umbrella in it.

Just sayin’.

Brrrrr!

That was an exceptionally cold night at the ballpark last night. Tim Lincecum on the mound, sadly got his first loss of the season. I’m pretty sure that ump blew that call on the balk, but it’s hard to tell from the center field bleachers, you know. It’s all OK, though, because at least I got to go to the game. Also, I got to yell at some Dodgers’ fans. Seriously, the Giants were playing the Rockies. Where’d the Dodger-blues come from? AB got a kick out of some of my random baseball utterances. “Run you slow slow slow . . . .little man!”

You know what’s really hard? Sending text messages when you hands are frozen solid. But I managed, and I have to say, I’m becoming much more of a fan of text messaging and picture mail. Especially when I get random ones in the middle of the night that make absolutely no sense from what I can only assume are very drunk friends. I hope some day to get one that is actually important, something along the lines of “water broke. baby coming.”

Anyway, by the time the game was over, my feet were completely numb. It’s so weird to walk around like that, and to have to assume that you’re touching the ground. When I got home, I went right into the shower to try to warm up. Went to bed around midnight. Woke up at 1:35 by random text messages. Two within a minute from two different friends. Then continued waking myself up every other hour for no apparent reason all night long.

I’m tired. I’m crabby. My throat is a little sore from the hollering.

Monday I’m going to an A’s game. Crazy.

Letting Go

This was my motorcycle:

This motorcycle was given to me by my then boyfriend for Christmas. He was going to pay for the insurance, and he paid for me to take lessons. I failed the lessons the first time around; I fell and I couldn’t keep up with the pace they were teaching. I was going to go back and retake the class once I had more time, but with work and with Cinderella, it wasn’t looking like I was going to get a shot. I had wanted to learn how to ride first, and then get a bike later. I wanted to make sure I actually liked riding before I put any money into it. I had even specifically told him not to get me a bike. He put the horse before the cart, so I had a motorcycle that I didn’t have the slightest clue how to ride for about three months. Then he broke up with me last month.

I’ve spent the last month trying to decide what to do with the bike. I wanted to keep it. It’s pretty. Then he said something about always being available to help me with the bike, and that freaked me out. I didn’t want it if it was going to tie me to him. I want the clean break. I want the space and time, at least for the time being. I waffled back and forth about whether I could keep the bike, and cut the strings attached, too.

But then I also thought that it would be cool to learn how to do it all by myself. I thought it would be easier to learn how to ride it without all the pressure I felt from him. He’d told just about everyone about it, so I felt like they were all staring at me. It made me want to talk to the bean dip. I seriously felt like all of his friends were judging me. Not to mention all the snide remarks. “I know you want a scooter, but this is so much better, so GET OVER IT!” etc. It seemed like his whole ego was wrapped up in me riding that motorcycle, and it didn’t really have anything to do with me. Anyway, I thought I could learn to ride it, go back and take the class. Then I imagined myself pulling up in front of my local coffee shop, and turning heads with that paint job. I also imagined showing up at a bar where his friends were hanging out, just to show them that regardless of what they think, I’m never going to be a speed demon.

Finally, a month after the break up, I can think about that motorcycle, and detach it from the feelings of rejection and insecurity surrounding my ex.

To insure the bike myself, it would cost about $550/year. That’s not much, by insurance standards. However, I had to look at it as what would be the personal cost to me. What would I have to give up in order to pay for the insurance? What else could I spend $550 on this year?

The band I’m talking with could cost me $550 this year, easily. I have my sax, but it needs some work done, and I have no idea what that will cost me. It would cover at least five and a half months of lessons. There’s also the cost of transportation and rehearsal space and what not.

My mounting medical costs could also easily total $550. Actually, it’ll probably be even more. I’ve already spent $160, and I haven’t gotten the bill for the ultrasound, yet. I’m also having another test done this week, and I have no idea what that will run. This is all just for tests. Who knows what treatment could cost?

That money would cover half of the new MacBook that I want, or the full cost of a MiniMac. My computer is falling apart. The CD burner doesn’t even work anymore. Plus, it’s just really old and slow. One of my favorite hobbies is this blog. So, it would take me twice as long to have a new computer.

So in exchange for giving up music lessons, being able to pay my medical bills, or a computer (keep in mind, that’s just the insurance), I would get a motorcycle. So what would I do with a motorcycle, assuming I could complete the lessons or pass a test at the DMV to get my license? I don’t like the idea of riding in traffic. I never liked doing it on the back of the ex’s bike, so I know I wouldn’t use it to commute. I couldn’t get the sax on it, so I couldn’t ride it to and from band practice and gigs.

So, I’d basically just be using it for pleasure trips, like when I go out in the evenings or weekends, but then I couldn’t dress nice and my hair would be a mess. So that usually wouldn’t work, either. When I really thought about it, I mostly saw myself tootling around town on the bike, and only on very nice sunny days.
Really, I could get myself a bicycle for that, and i wouldn’t have to pay for insurance or gas.

I see now that it was really much more about holding on to that man and that life, and I don’t have to do that any more. The motorcycle doesn’t fit my budget and it doesn’t fit my lifestyle. I just wanted to look cool on it, anyway.

So, I emailed the ex earlier this week, and I told him that he should keep the bike, as he would get more out of it than I would. He never should have given it to me in the first place, and he should have known better. I’ve been accused of “rewarding bad behavior” by giving him the bike, but really, it just means that I get to let go of the last piece of emotional baggage.

Besides, it’s twice as pretty to look at in the picture than it would be six months from now when I had never washed it, and I’ll look three times cooler wailing on my sax with healthy girly guts than I ever would with helmet hair.

Books, Books, Books

It’s a well established fact that I am a nerd. An exceptionally booky nerd. A nerd with a massive appetite for the written word.

Right now, I’m in the middle of reading four books –

Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen

Everyday Zen: Love & Work by Charlotte Jojo Beck (my dad recommended and loaned this one to me)

Jaywalking with the Irish by David Monagan

and

Foods to Fight Cancer by Richard Believeau, Ph.D. and Denis Gingras, Ph.D.

Maybe I should just try to finish one.

Or maybe I should pick up some fluffy summer read and add it to the pile.

Or maybe I should stop blogging, and open one of them.

OR I could just embrace the insanity and join a book club, too.

Anyway, they’re all pretty decent so far, and I recommend them all.  I just wish I had one more bookmark.  This is why people keep giving me their business cards, though, right?

Death and Taxes

Death = 0

Taxes = 1

I avoided death again today.  Taxes, not so much.  I just finished doing my taxes and it looks like I will actually be getting a little bit back this year.  Of course, I owed a little to the state, but less than what I’m getting back from the federal.

What to do with the money?

Maybe one of these:

178208882_ea2e83c2f3.jpg

Or a shopping spree at:

ben-sherman.jpg

Or save it for:

france_eiffeltower_2001_07_122.jpg

So many choices.   What’s a girl to do?

Lunch Date

First off, I have to say, I’m not a fan of “gourmet” food. My favorite foods are ones that are most like the things my mom would make. I was a little bit of a skeptic, therefore, when my co-worker offered to take me and another from my department to Spruce. I was a little bit concerned that they wouldn’t have anything that would be veg friendly, so I decided I would just go ahead and ask right off the bat.

So, the co-worker, who had eaten there before, ordered an assortment of cheeses for an appetizer, and also a meat platter. Of course I didn’t have the meat. The cheese was amazing. We had a bleu, goat, and European cheddar. I love cheese. Every time I’ve thought about going vegan, I’ve had second thoughts due to cheese.

For my entree I had a small plate of gnocchi with rapini. I can honestly say that I had never even heard of rapini. The dish was pretty good, with a light kind of watery butter sauce. It wasn’t nearly as heavy as I was afraid it would be. I would have to say that this was my least favorite part of the meal. I also ordered a glass of wine with the meal, but as I just ordered “what he’s having,” I don’t know what it was. It was a white, which I don’t normally drink, and it was from Bishop’s Peak, but I’m not sure what varietal.

I was really looking forward to dessert and coffee. I love having after meal coffee, but can never order it after dinner, since I have enough insomnia problems as it is. For dessert I had a hazelnut cake with coffee ice cream. It was served with a white chocolate cream in little dollops under this candy thing that reminded me of the top of a creme brulee. See, I’m not a foodie, and I have no idea what that’s called. Anyway, it was pretty good, but I have to say that the Ethiopian Sidamo coffee that I had was one of the best cups of coffee I’ve ever had.

So over all, it was a good lunch experience, but if I had it to do over again, I would have ordered a salad instead of the gnocchi. I would order the cheese, wine, and coffee again in a heartbeat.

I still say that my mama could have made it better.

Just sayin’.