Considering the severity of my lifelong battle with insomnia, I don’t think it should shock anyone to hear me say that I have a complex relationship with caffeine.  I’ve relied on it pretty heavily during the weeks when I’ve only managed to eek out a few hours of sleep.  It’s been my savior many afternoons when I sit at my desk, fighting the bobblehead after not getting a full night before.

The problem is, after I’ve had quite a bit of caffeine to keep myself awake all day, it continues to keep me up all night.  Or at least, well later than I should be staying up after not sleeping much the night before.   It’s a cycle, you see.  A big nasty gnarly cycle.  And the only way out of it is to suffer.

So after the last couple of weeks of really crappy sleep, I decided it was time to give it up.  Again.  This isn’t the first time, and if after a period of abstinence, I go back to it, it’ll happen again.

So, I haven’t had any caffeine since Saturday.  This week has been hell, and it hasn’t gone unnoticed by the folks around me.  Getting out of bed is just brutal.  I have been sleeping, but it’s just this exhaustion that’s been building as the week goes on.  I’m hoping some sort of reboot will be possible this weekend.  I’ve been powering through, though, and I know I’m going to make it.

The thing that puzzles me about all this, though, is the reactions of some co-workers.  “WHY!?!  Why would you do that?”,  ” You can’t do that!”, or “No, you don’t have to give up caffeine; you just have work out, or go to bed earlier, or something.”

Seriously, what’s the big deal about me not having caffeine?  It’s not like I’m asking them to do it.  What difference does it make to them at all?  If anything, it just means there’s more coffee in the pot for them.   But you’d think I had said that I was thinking about giving up my US citizenship or something.

And you can’t be a little bit supportive?  I mean, just a simple, “Dude, that sounds rough, but you can do it!”  I’m really not expecting much, except maybe a little patience.

I really like coffee and Coke Zero, but I can and will live without them.  And it’ll be fine.  I mean, in a couple days, when I’m not a raging asshole, because I’m so fucking tired.  And it’s not going to screw up anyone else’s day if I’m not having it.

Just sayin’.

Lunch Date

First off, I have to say, I’m not a fan of “gourmet” food. My favorite foods are ones that are most like the things my mom would make. I was a little bit of a skeptic, therefore, when my co-worker offered to take me and another from my department to Spruce. I was a little bit concerned that they wouldn’t have anything that would be veg friendly, so I decided I would just go ahead and ask right off the bat.

So, the co-worker, who had eaten there before, ordered an assortment of cheeses for an appetizer, and also a meat platter. Of course I didn’t have the meat. The cheese was amazing. We had a bleu, goat, and European cheddar. I love cheese. Every time I’ve thought about going vegan, I’ve had second thoughts due to cheese.

For my entree I had a small plate of gnocchi with rapini. I can honestly say that I had never even heard of rapini. The dish was pretty good, with a light kind of watery butter sauce. It wasn’t nearly as heavy as I was afraid it would be. I would have to say that this was my least favorite part of the meal. I also ordered a glass of wine with the meal, but as I just ordered “what he’s having,” I don’t know what it was. It was a white, which I don’t normally drink, and it was from Bishop’s Peak, but I’m not sure what varietal.

I was really looking forward to dessert and coffee. I love having after meal coffee, but can never order it after dinner, since I have enough insomnia problems as it is. For dessert I had a hazelnut cake with coffee ice cream. It was served with a white chocolate cream in little dollops under this candy thing that reminded me of the top of a creme brulee. See, I’m not a foodie, and I have no idea what that’s called. Anyway, it was pretty good, but I have to say that the Ethiopian Sidamo coffee that I had was one of the best cups of coffee I’ve ever had.

So over all, it was a good lunch experience, but if I had it to do over again, I would have ordered a salad instead of the gnocchi. I would order the cheese, wine, and coffee again in a heartbeat.

I still say that my mama could have made it better.

Just sayin’.