I Don’t Want To Go To Bed

You know all those times that I’ve logged on and written a blog in the middle of the night because I couldn’t get to sleep? All the posts that were like, “I tried to go to sleep, but I was thinking all this stuff, so I decided to get up and write on my blog about the stuff I couldn’t stop thinking?” This isn’t one of those posts. I’m not suffering from insomnia. I just don’t wanna go to bed, even though I’m pretty tired.

Why? Well, to put it simply, I’m afraid of the quiet. I’m tired of all the thoughts that have been keeping me up this week, and I think they’re in my bed waiting for me again tonight. I don’t want to think about all the ways that nothing is what I would like it to be right now. I don’t want to think about all the things I should have said and done in the past, but didn’t or couldn’t. I don’t want to think about my very uncertain future. I don’t want to think about the people I miss. I don’t want to replay yesterday and tomorrow on permanent repeat. And somehow I’ve convinced myself that scrolling through Facebook one more time, refreshing my email again, and watching another video on YouTube is the answer. And the later it gets, the more I dread laying down.  Continue reading “I Don’t Want To Go To Bed”

What To Do?

I got home from work this evening, and found that the power was out in my building and neighborhood.  I came in and opened all the windows, as it’s still pretty toasty here in.   I laid down on the coach for a minute to think about what to do with the power out, and I fell asleep.   A nap is a perfect thing to do when it’s warm, the power’s out, and you don’t really have any other things pressing on your agenda.

It was a great nap, too.  Great up until the part where I started dreaming that Mama Bear had started dating my ex right after we had broken up.  In a ploy to try to get him back from her, I was following him around throughout the entire dream, groping him completely inappropriately.   I have some of the craziest dreams sometimes.

Weird dream or not, I would still take that nap all over again.  Of course, now I’ll be up pretty late, but so be it.  I’ll catch up on some Netflix now that the power is back on.

Oh Snap. You Got Me Steve Colbert

In addition to reading more and writing more, I am also watching way too much fucking TV. It’s not all bad. Some of it is really bad though.

And then there’s Comedy Central. There’s the Daily Show. And there’s the Colbert Report.

So, in case you weren’t watching last night, Colbert did this whole thing on water. It was all about how America is too dependent on water.

The best part was a graphic that was to explain how “the scientists say” the water cycle works. I would love to have found the graphic on-line, and I probably would if I waited a week to write this, but let’s face it, I’d forget.

Here’s the synopsis of the slide from NoFactZone.com:

First, the sun causes ground water to evaporate which then condenses into clouds; then Feminists and taxes make God cry and the ocean gets replenished.

Emphasis mine. I guffawed. So, to those of you out there who think feminists have no sense of humor, I’d like to counter that you’re not funny; the Colbert Report is. This is how you make funny about feminism.

Thanks Steve. I needed the laugh.

Not Sleeping Again

I’m having trouble sleeping again.   I’ve been exhausted for weeks, and tomorrow I’m supposed to be up early for a breakfast meeting/event.  It’s an unending cycle.  But when I turn out the lights, and turn off the computer or TV, and it’s just me, I get pretty lonely.

I get what I call the random lonely girl thoughts:

I really am all on my own.

What if I snap being by myself so much, and I lock the door and never leave my apartment again.

What if I fall and break a hip in the shower.

If I die, how long will it take someone to find my body.

What if I’m all alone forever.

So, I was sitting on my window sill, having a little cry, and I heard some noises and voices out in front of my apartment.  I peeked out between the blinds, and saw a guy leaning into the window of a car in front of my apartment.

New lonely girl thought –

What if a drug dealer shoots me through my front window for spying on him.

Now I’ll never get to sleep.

A Great Start

This morning I did something that I haven’t done in quite a long time.  My alarm went off, I got up for a moment, and then laid back down thinking I had hit the snooze.   I didn’t hit the snooze, though.   Apparently I had turned the alarm off.    I realized this, when some time later, a voice from the back of my mind reached through the haze and spoke to me in my unconscious space, “hey, the alarm never went off again, did it?”   My eyes flew open and to the alarm clock, which read 8:03 (which is actually 8:00, because I’m one of those people), and I bolted upright.    

The first thought to pop into my head was, ‘call in sick.’   The second thought was, why burn up a sick day on something so stupid.   This was all running through my head as I jumped out of bed and leaped across the room to my bathroom.   By the time I got there, I knew that I was going to try my best to get to work as close to on time as I could manage.

First, I gave myself a quick sponge bath.  Then I wet down my hair, to tame the mad scientist ‘do.   In case you’re one of those people that say things like, “oh, having short hair must be so easy,” I have to tell you, no it’s not.   With long hair, there’s this thing called a pony tail that is a fix-all for bad hair days.    With my pixie hair, I wake up with the mad scientist, Einstein hairdo.  It’s all over the place, and not in a cool spiky way.   It’s impossible.   I have to wet my hair and blow it dry every day. 

The one thing that saved me this morning was that I had originally intended to get up at the crack of dawn to try to make it to the gym.   That idea went out the window at about 1:30 this morning when I was wide awake contemplating whether it was the small pot of Ethiopian Sidamo coffee or my insatiable desire to load up my iPod.   Anyway, I had packed a bag with a pre-planned outfit, which meant that everything was all in one spot for once, and made it really easy to get my hair sorted out, get dressed, get makeuped, and get out the door in record time.    Just 17 minutes after I woke up, I was out the door.  

I managed to be at my desk just two minutes late.   Now I’m sitting here at work, writing a blog, clearly with nothing to do, and wishing that I had called in sick, because I would rather be playing with my iPod right now.

Just sayin’. 

Sleeping Machine

Last night, I went to bed at 5:30.   Yeah, like as in evening news 5:30.     I was out until about two, and then I got up for an hour.    I watched
Project Runway.    Then I went to bed, and I slept until eight.  So I got a total of thirteen and a half hours of sleep.

And all that without a single freaky dream.    It’s insane.   I wonder if I can stay up for Jeopardy tonight?

Just sayin’.

Burning the Candle

It’s not really like at both ends. I honestly feel like I’ve just been throwing the whole damn candle in the fireplace for months. I never get to sleep in the way that I like to. I’m nocturnal. I’m pretty reliant on not getting out of bed before noon on Saturday and Sunday to make up my sleep debt. Why do people insist on pretending like they’re so important that they’ve got something vital to do at 9 on Saturday? You’re not that special. Go back to bed.

It ought to be illegal. We should all be locked in our houses until noon, and not allowed to leave. Giant robots could stand guard. Yeah. That’s the ticket. I’m all about a society of enforced laziness via martial law, compulsory cocktails, and working from home a.k.a. working from pajamas.

All I have to do now is get the concept of Business Attire amended to mean Cargo pants and a Hoodie.

And Cocktail Attire would be jeans and a tank top. (I mean, that’s what I wear when I drink cocktails.)

So, I guess what I’m saying is – Here’s to the lazy folks! Stay as bad as you wanna be in bed as long as you wanna be!