I Don’t Want To Go To Bed

You know all those times that I’ve logged on and written a blog in the middle of the night because I couldn’t get to sleep? All the posts that were like, “I tried to go to sleep, but I was thinking all this stuff, so I decided to get up and write on my blog about the stuff I couldn’t stop thinking?” This isn’t one of those posts. I’m not suffering from insomnia. I just don’t wanna go to bed, even though I’m pretty tired.

Why? Well, to put it simply, I’m afraid of the quiet. I’m tired of all the thoughts that have been keeping me up this week, and I think they’re in my bed waiting for me again tonight. I don’t want to think about all the ways that nothing is what I would like it to be right now. I don’t want to think about all the things I should have said and done in the past, but didn’t or couldn’t. I don’t want to think about my very uncertain future. I don’t want to think about the people I miss. I don’t want to replay yesterday and tomorrow on permanent repeat. And somehow I’ve convinced myself that scrolling through Facebook one more time, refreshing my email again, and watching another video on YouTube is the answer. And the later it gets, the more I dread laying down.  Continue reading “I Don’t Want To Go To Bed”

Bed . . . Check


I went to Mancini’s Sleep World last night. I purchased a bed which will be delivered to my new place on Saturday. Basically, I’m getting there.If anybody in the East Bay Area is looking for a new mattress, let me know, because if I refer you to the guy who sold me my mattress, I can get a free set of sheets.So, I get my keys on Friday, and Saturday is the big push. I’m going to be doing a Target run on Friday evening for sheets and flatware. Glasses, too.Still so much to do, but it’s all coming in line, I think.