Tag: crush

CSGL – A Letter

Dear Boy Who I Formerly Had a Huge Crush On,

I’m so glad I’m not all Googley-Eyed and Ga-ga over you anymore, and I don’t mean that in even the most remotely shitty sort of way.   I just mean, it’s nice that I can actually speak to you in full sentences now.  It’s nice that we can have a conversation.   We can chat about stuff like books and bands, and it’s not weird.   This is all so much awesomer than that ridiculous crush.

Because, man, that crush was painful.  I mean, not just in the ways that crushes are normally painful, but just the extreme level of awkward that it seemed to produce in me.   This was way worse than just liking someone who doesn’t like me back.  It was much more brutal than that.  I sure hope that that doesn’t happen to me again, or if it has to, at least not any time soon.   That probably was awful for you, too, but imagine what it was like to witness all that from my perspective, knowing that I was acting pretty dumb, but seemingly unable to stop it in any way.

So, thanks for hanging in there with me when it was all kinds of goofy and just plain fucking lame.  I think you might actually turn out to be a pretty good friend.

Just sayin’.

Why Is It?

Why is it that I only write blogs when I can’t sleep?    Seriously.    And maybe if I just went ahead and wrote more blogs, well, then maybe I’d sleep better.     Like not having written this is what’s the problem to begin with.   I don’t necessarily believe that, because there are plenty of times that I have sat down to do this, and in the process of writing something, it all just sort of opens up more bags of worms, more questions that aren’t going to be answered tonight, and added fuel to the flame of my overactive imagination.

Once again I’ve become a lax blogger, and I’m not even going to try to make some excuse or say that I’m going to turn over a new leaf.   You could be reading this now, and there’s no guarantee that I’ll have anything more to write for another three months.   But who knows, maybe tomorrow…..

But the fact remains, my life is kinda dull right now.  Basically all I had going for me there for quite some time as a source of material was that monstrous crush.    That is thankfully finally behind me.    I mean, don’t get my wrong, I appreciate it for the creative wealth that it was, but at the end of the day, the agony of the thing wasn’t worth it.   A girl can only take so many mixed messages, you know, and there’s only so long that you can hold on to some kind of unreasonable hope.     Thankfully, one day, he did something absolutely maddening to the point of being the most unattractive thing I’ve ever seen, and that was that.     I send him on his way, wish him well, and count my blessings.    (“Yes.  Go, go.   I would not wish you back again.”)

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is ….”NEXT”.    I sort of am ready for something else to be going on in my life.   I want to have some ridiculous thing to write about that hopefully when you read about it will make you unsure of whether to laugh or not.    Some ridiculous sort of thing that I could go on about for a while, work myself into some silly rant about, and at the end of it all, come to the conclusion that I’m “just sayin'”.

Right now, well, I got nothing… well, maybe not nothing, but definitely nothing amusingly anecdotal to unleash in this forum.   All I’ve got is some flashes in my head of where I’d rather be or what I’d rather be doing.    And a whole lot of long hard work, that while boring as shit, I have to admit is deeply satisfying.

So, that’s that, and so I conclude without nearly my regular amount of enthusiasm –

Just sayin’.