OK – so I’m trying the online dating thing, again. Why? Well, two reasons, really. No, scratch that – three reasons. #1 – why the hell not. #2 – Sitting around moaning about a guy who already has a girl isn’t getting me anywhere and #3 – more than one person recommended I give it another shot, just, you know, Not Craig’s List. I’m also window shopping for kittens on the internet….. and honestly, those two things are virtually the same activity, except that the kittens have the common sense to avoid the following blunders:
- “partner in crime” …. Don’t. Ok? Just….don’t.
- People that say that they like all types of music, as in, “I like everything. Really!” are just afraid of commitment
- ooohhhh….you have a motorcycle. Um, NEXT!
- Why are you posing with a panther in your profile pic? And also, why did it take me so long to figure out what it was? (Is that a dog? Is that a bear? Wait, it’s a panther, isn’t it? wow)
- I get it. You’re really into making the sexy with the women. What else are you into, horn-dog?
- You have more than one photo of yourself in zombie/skull make-up on your dating profile….. You have more than one photo of yourself in zombie/skull make-up on your dating profile ……
- Punctuation is your friend.
- Why are there so many pictures of guys on top of rocks on these profiles? I guess every guy who goes on online dating is a rock climber. I wonder what the cause and effect is with that? Which came first – personality test or thrill seeking outdoors-manship?
- You sent me a poem…a poem you wrote originally for some other broad. And it’s not even good. Ugh.
Shoot me. Seriously. In the head.