Nightmare Scenarios

Here’s a list of things I don’t want to hear from people who have read this here blog:

  • I’ve been reading your blog, and I got you this sock monkey!
  • I’ve been reading your blog;  am I the Object of Crush?  (from, you know, Not Him)
  • I’ve been reading  your blog….you’re weird.
  • I’ve been reading your blog; can I give you the number of my psychiatrist?
  • I’ve been reading your blog; why do you listen to all those crappy bands?
  • I’ve been reading your blog, and I found out where you live, and I’ve been hiding in the bush outside your window for the last 90 days.
  • I’ve been reading your blog;  actually, I submitted some of your writing as my own, and just got offered a book deal.  Thanks!
  • I’ve been reading your blog;  your mom sounds hot.  Can I have her number?
  • I’ve been reading your blog, and I want to meet you and go on a date.  (yeah, this sort of happened once, and now I know why it’s a nightmare)