Crazy Single Girl Life – Personal Questions Editions

It seems that since I’m single, people (friends, acquaintances, family members, etc.) think that my personal life is fair territory, and I’ve found myself on the receiving end of some very odd questions, statements, advice. Lemme just save us both some time and go over some fine points for you.

  • If I don’t bring it up, you don’t bring it up. If I don’t tell you that I’m seeing someone, going on a date, met somebody, etc., then the topic is off limits. If you have to ask, you’re prying. Period. End of discussion. Don’t get all indignant and pissy with me when I point it out to you, either.
  • If I respond to your prying question with some sort of cagey answer, you should drop it. This is my way of subtly saying that I don’t really have a desire to share. If you don’t pick up on the hint, don’t get all indignant when I go the blunt route and point out that you’re prying.
  • Until such time as I tell you that I’m not single anymore, you can go ahead and assume that I still am. What kind of fucked up question is, “Are you still single?” This will be responded to with either the afore mentioned cagey answer and/or the blunt pointing out of how rude you are and/or sarcasm. Are you still not minding your own damn business?
  • Don’t you dare judge me for behaving like a single person. If, as a result of your prying or because I have actually decided to confide in you on my own, I allude to or flat out state that I may or may not be going on dates with one or more person, don’t get all flushed by the plural. Just ’cause I went out with John on Sunday, and Dick on Tuesday, that does not make me some kind of tramp. And did it ever occur to you that I’m making it all up just to throw you off?
  • What’s up with So-And-So? As far as I’m concerned, the only appropriate answer to this question is: I don’t know. What is up with So-and-So? I’m sure you’ve heard some bit of gossip about me and So-And-So, and I’m also fairly sure that it’s all poppycock. Until you hear it from me directly, you should also assume it’s poppycock. Asking about it is prying. See above.

So, in summation, there’s nothing going on, and even if there is something going on, I’m not talking about it, so you don’t need to know, and at such time that it becomes pertinent for you to know what’s happening with my personal life, I will be sure to fill you in, and until I do that, it’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Oh, and the more you pry, the less likely I am to be comfortable sharing with you. Gaining trust takes patience. No patience = no juicy details.

As if I have juicy details.

I totally have juicy details.

Or do I?

Just sayin’.

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