The Magic of Pi (a.k.a. My Friends and I Like Puns)

So, if you’ve been paying any attention at all to me or my blog, you know that I’m really great at making conversation at parties…..or not.   Since I usually localize my awkward around some sort of food spread, I have been referring to this for some time as “chatting up the bean dip.”   Usually I’m standing there, eating way too much bean dip, and screaming at myself in my own head, “THINK OF SOMETHING TO SAY TO ANYONE, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!”    I like to go real easy on myself like that.

Anyway, so since yesterday was the 14th of March (3.14), Kayphore put on her second annual Pi Pie Party.   You know, because Π is roughly 3.14.   It’s a math pun.   Get it?  No.  OK, well, just go with me and keep in mind that we’re all nerds.

The annual Pi Pie Party involves two things, making a pie and then eating a whole lot of pie.    It’s a pie baking contest combined with a contest with your own will power to shove as much pie into your pie hole as possible.   I know that eating a bunch of pie just sounds like fun, but trust me when I say that it can be a lot more complicated than that.

But it’s a party.   And that is its own challenge.   So, I decided to sort of combine my awkwardness with the theme to make a joke that only I would really get.   Why?   Because I’m a nerd.   A shy nerd.   A shy nerd who is too easily amused.

I conceived of the perfect pie to sum up (hahaha ….more math puns) my party induced social awkwardness – the Vegan 5-Layer Bean Dip Pie with Fritos Crust.     I chose to go with a vegan pie so that every possible party goer could sample some.   I didn’t want to limit my audience.   And after last years massive sugar crash, I decided that a savory pie was the way to go.    I looked for a recipe for a corn chip crust, and found one that was pretty basic.   Crush up the corn chips and mix with butter, form into a pan, and bake.   However, since I was going to be going for vegan, butter was out.    I opted for olive oil.   I have to say, the crust did not turn out the way I wanted it to.   Other pi party attendees commented that I had not crushed my chips enough.   Next time, I’ll have to try finer chip crumbs, and also some sort of binding unit to add to the mix.

In the pie shell, I layered refried black beans, chopped black olives, salsa, guacamole, and vegan “sour cream”.   If you ever find that you can’t come across vegan “sour cream”, try vegan “cream cheese” mixed with lemon juice.   I topped the whole thing in a sprinkling of green onions and served it with Fritos scoops on the side.

I actually got a few compliments on it, so it wasn’t a complete disaster, or anything.   Of course, once again, I did not win any of the prizes.   But the party did end up being fun, and I did manage to carry on a few conversations with a few actual human beings.   There were many more attendees than last year’s pi, which was equally fun and nerve wracking.  I think I made a fellow nerd giz in his pants when I told him where I work.   That never gets old.

So, now I have two imperfect pie recipes under my belt.   It might help if I started making pies in-between pis, but honestly, I’m not that sort of well prepared type of person.

Just sayin’.

CSG has A Crush

When was the last time you had a crush on someone?  I mean, really legitimately had a Crush on someone?   Junior High or High School, perhaps?   Well, my 32-year-old ass has got one.  Got it real bad, in fact.

I’m sure this guy has no clue.   Also, I’m about 90% sure that he’s off the market.   And yet, I’m totally dumb for him, and I can’t stop my brain from wandering in his particular direction.   Unwelcome and unbidden thoughts popping into my little brain while I’m trying to go about my life, attempting to be a human being.   It’s really hard to look at HTML when your brain is flashing kissing scenes in your head.    Can I just reiterate that part where this person is oblivious to me?    Maybe if I keep reminding myself, it’ll all go away.  I don’t want to be this stupid.

The thing is, though, that all this stuff, for me, well it’s been awhile.   Let’s think about this.   I’ve been single for almost two years.  Actually, next Saturday will be exactly two years.    So, while I’ve stuck my pinky toe in the dating pool a few times in the last two years, mostly it’s just been a big fat awkward mess.   A mess that isn’t helping my confidence level at all.   I mean, how do I Do This?   How does a Crazy Single Girl let it be known when she wouldn’t mind too terribly at all if you brushed the hair out of her eyes, ran you fingers down her cheeks, lifted her chin…Oh crap.  I’m doing it again.

Anyway, so before a year and 51 weeks ago, I had been with the same guy for over two years.    We started dating a day or two after my previous boyfriend dumped me.  (I don’t recommend this, by the way)   So, in effect, it’s been almost five years, since I’ve played this game, and I am having trouble getting back into it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, how do you let someone know that you have been thinking about him.  Thinking about him more than just a little, but rather a lot actually.   And I’d like to spend more time with him.  Listen to him talk about anything.   To sit him and stare into his blue eyes. (of course they’re blue)    How do you even begin to tell someone all that, you know, without sounding like a complete nutter?

The answer is, you don’t.   There’s no way to dive into all that without coming across as a stalker.   So, the question is, how do you start?  Where do you start?   What do you say that will eventually lead the conversation in that direction?   I wouldn’t even know where to begin.   And I don’t want to be an ass, assuming that I’m right and he is off the market.

And so, you see, I have a silly crush, and I don’t know what to do about it, and even if I did know, I shouldn’t do anything about it.

Just sayin’.